Words of wisdom: " It's not about anger, it's about peace." " It's not about strength, it's about grace." " It is not about knowing your enemy, it's about knowing yourself." Food for thought: " Why you hotdogs come in packages of 10 but hotdog buns come in packages of 8?" Anyone who knows the answer... leave a note. haha. I watched bullet proof monk today... it's quite good leh. But i was better in the cinema. But i think Chow Yuan Fatt is so cool... even though he's kinda big now. Still got the cartoon face. hee hee. Then, i just watched Kate and Leopold. it's such a "oh-man!-he's-so-sweet-and-romantic-and-handsome-and-she's-so-pretty-and-slim.-why-can't-more-men-be-like-him.-it's-so-unreal-but-still-so-nice-to-watch!" show. I really enjoyed it... but then again, i'm a sucker for happy endings and romantic movies. *sigh* when is my prince no-need-to-be-too-charming going to come and sweep me off my feet...? *dreamy look* Yes szeling, ok... not the guy in the advert ok... and alright, i have bad taste. Fine, no need to be so direct. Don't want to come then don't come lorh... nvm. Nat wants me... horh nat..? Horh? NAT! answer me!
ANYWAY. I went to school this morning for test. Analytical biochem. I stupidly forgot to bring my claculator even though i reminded myself over and over again to bring my claculator. stupid. The test wasn't the best i've done, especailly since it's calculations. Everyone knows i can't do calculations for nuts. Maths is just not my cup of tea. Lucky it's open book... if not i'll really be stuck, plus the fact i didn't really study for it. Since i only went school for test today, i reached home at about 9.15am. wanted to sleep.. but don't know what i was doing.. didn't get to nap. Szeling came over today.. watch the care bear movie! hee hee. soooo cute. "Nobody cares like a care bear...=)" And they look soooo cute when they do the care bear stare!!! All the beams coming out from their fuzzy tummies... hee hee hee. Re-living my childhood.
Oh! I went to eat this really yummy jam toast today at 6th avenue!!! yummy! the bukit timah/ holland v side has alot of good stuff to do and eat. Nat, we WILL go to the meat place SOON. Though it's going to be a hard time for me getting there and back. Stupid place just doesn't have mrt. crap. Hmm.. holland v reminds me of dennis. Cause there was this on time we wanted to go there and eat, but there just wasn't any parking. The place ALWAYS doesn't have parking. Talk about parking, i haven't driven in about a month. Think i forgot how to drive already. Test is soon. Shit. How to pass...? Must take nice passport picture. FAT! HAIYAH!
Anyone wanna go shopping with me...??? Wanna buy a bag, a watch preferbally shoes too.. and don't mind a new pair of specs. oh! and socks. need socks... now everyday wear shoes... must buy more socks. Oh! and i'm likely to get a new phone... the samsung e700! 900 bucks!!!! so nice of my dad to buy it for me. I'm bad i know. Shouldn't be caving to material wants... *whines* but i like........ oh well. i'm feeling sleepy... but then again. i'm always sleepy... heh. OH OH OH! clay is on radio! hee hee hee. *beams* go listen!

The weather has been really bad these days, it's been wet and humid, people are falling ill. Everyone, please take care of yourselves, Dennis, especially you, exams are up, drink more water and don't sleep too late ok? Anyway, despite the bad weather, a bight sun spot emerged today. My new cousin was born this morning. He's sooooooooo cute. And he's so big! almost 4kg, 52 cm.... the other babies look tiny next to him... but he's just so adorable! Nat! Faster have one or two or a few so i can play with them and return them to you after i finish playing... hahaha
Went for lunch with my family today at traders hotel, nobody could really eat except me... told you i handle stress differently alright... just give me ALITTLE credit. Then we went to tanglin mall to check out the pair of birkenstocks i fancied... man... it looks sooooo good. Then when i tried then on, they were just so wrong. Some things are just made for admiration. It costs a bomb anyway, like 250 bucks? though my dad was really going to buy it for me... it just looked wrong on me... darn it.
Came home later in the afternoon and read aussie cleo... thrashy mag... i like. heh, well it keeps me occupied anyway. Anyone who goes to australia and is nice enough to carry extra.. bring back cosmo or cleo for me...? heh. Met alvin for coffee later in the day... he came all the way down to deliver me this lip butter he and Nat bought for me... so sweet. thank you both. Sorry alvin couldn't talk to you long.. had to come home for dinner.
Watched american idol just now.. it's sooooo funny. But it's really paiseh also. i watch until i cannot stand. Man! i don't know how the people can actually think that they can sing!!!! Then if you cannot take critisism, don't go right or not...? But i guess after waiting so long, you'll bound to get cranky. Don't know who is more poor thing, the judges or the contestants. Well, i know if i were one of the judges, i'd be more mean than simon. watching CSI now... always feel really stupid when i watch this show. Everyone in the main vcast is soooo clever. Plus it's so amazing how these people can be so neutral about forensics. The show is just amazing larh.
ok.. that's about it i guess... got to study for test tomorrow... crap. Friday morning 8am got test.. calculate calculate wan. hate it. oh well. till the next time. Goodnight all.

I guess most of you would know what happened over the weekend. I don't really know what to say, cause i don't really want to recount the experience. It's not easy to get over, but i know i will eventually. Just hope my Dad will get over it soon. He's sleeping on my mum's special bed with the light on. Think he's really feeling insecure. My little sis is sleeping with my elder sis. Hope my little sis will be alright soon too. She's going back to school on thursday, but i took the week off. Think i need to take time to rest.
I really want to thank ALL those who stood by me through this difficult time. Nat, Ling, Dennis, Alden, Shiqian, Yazid, Alvin, Vanessa and Juncheng. Also, all those who sent their condolences, thank you. Thank you Nat for being with me all the 3 days, for literally crying together with me and letting me bore you to bits when i'm not talking to you. Thank you Ling for being with me from the start to the end, for crying with me too, and even coming down to the hospital LATE at night to accompany me. Thank you Dennis for coming over to my house EARLY in the morning even though you haven't slept and had no car and for making me feel like the most precious person to you. Thank you Alden for being there for me everytime i call and cry, and for coming down to see me even though you were alone and feeling akward. Thank you Alvin for coming, especailly to mount vernon. Vanessa, for being the only person besides nat from the clique who came. 4K for even bothering and Yazid too. Lastly, Juncheng, who i hardly know but still came. Oh! not forgetting reynard and del for rushing down even though he had to book in in a few hours. Thank you EVERYONE for the hugs. Especially Dennis, Nat and ling. Really, what would i do with out you guys...
I took the week off from school. I'm so going to go crazy with the work i have to catch up with. I'll be missing so much. But i have to go shopping. I'm not supposed to wear colours for 100 days (grandma said so) 100 days is alot of days and i dun have school uniform, so i'll have to buy clothes cause i'm a colours person. Buy clothes... but i'm so fat... everyone lost weight except me. Different people have different ways of handling stress. Too bad mine had to be the adverse way. As Nat says, "1 min in your lips, forever in your hips." Definately need to work on it. oh well. Anyway, it's reynard's birthday today. Happy birthday dude! Though you're spending it in tekong, hope it was a good one.
That's all for now, will update again. I've fallen ill, running a fever and having a sore throat. Crap. oh well. Night all!

Sometimes, when you lie on your bed in the night... do you worry you might wake up and not see your mum or dad? Do you think of all the horrible things you've done or said to people that you regret you'll not be able to say sorry...? Do you feel that you take your family for granted, thinking that they'll always be there? Do you think of how your parents suffered to bring you up, suffered to give you the best and they don't even get a hug from you? Do you think of how things are going to be different and how much you're going to change when your mum passes away? I hope nobody has to go through this.
How do you tell when things are bad? You'll know when your dad shouts at your mum, who is really sick at 4 am in the morning and starts to throw things around the room. You'll know when your elder sis starts to behave like your younger sis, crying and whining at the lack of sleep. You'll know things are bad when i feel that i can't be strong, when i can't hold on for my family anymore, when i start thinking such thoughts, when i cry. Last night, mum wasn't able to sleep, talking nonsense (gibberish) and whining and crying out in discomfort. She grabbed my hand, not knowing what is was and dug her nails into it. Somehow the pain that was inflicted, was far less painful than the pain that seared through my heart. And the pain in my heart was far less painful than the look in my dad's eyes, but nothing could beat the pain my mum is going through.
What can i do to lessen the suffering? "Spend more time with her." "Be more patient." "Talk to her." " Be there when she needs you." " Be strong." "keep smiling."All these have been said to me a million times. I Have really tried. Look at my mum and tell me honestly if i can really fulfil these roles. I can't even look at my mum and not feel completely helpless. Everyone has a pillar of support, where's mine? I need a hug, a shoulder to depend on... somehow, i can't find one. My mum's back in hospital now. She couldn't open her eyes this morning, she was groaning in discomfort, not able to respond clear mindedly to us talking. My father was crying. I've never seen my father cry until today. I'm thinking, how much longer we have. I'm thinking of how much weight and sleep my dad has lost. I'm thinking of my younger sister. I'm thinking if my elder sis will be able to get married in time for my mum to see. I'm thinking if my mum will be able to see me graduate. Thinking if my mum will see me have a boyfriend. Thinking how much i love my mum and how much my mum loves me and how i never appreciated it. Thinking about how i hate to be at home cause i'm helpless. Thinking how much i need my friends. Thinking how much my friends need me.
To everyone i've been mean to, i'm really sorry. I don't mean to cause hurt. Maybe everyone of us should take sometime, sit down and think about how unhappy we are with our parents and think if they really deserved our warth. Nobody is perfect. Not even our parents. No matter how much we want them to live up to our standards, they never will. Just be glad cause whatever they've given to us is the best they have to offer us. There's no better people on earth than mum and dad. I just had to find out that really painful way. Don't take people for granted. Not even your friends, cause in times like this, they're the ones you need.
I'm sorry this is depressing. Just in low mood. Will be alright soon. just hope the same goes for my mummy.

I'm looking down at my body.. and my tummy is all i see. This is bad. I'm turning into a hippopotamus. Super fat. But since i am unmotivated, uninspired and have no self control or discipline therefore i will only complain. Indulge me. haha. But really larh... scared on monday cannot zip my jeans already. Must buy maternity clothes. Super fat larh. But actually maternity clothes can take from my auntie, she's got pretty nice ones. After she delivers my new cousin, i can have them. haha. So fat and ugly, tomorrow how to go out meet Ramu. Got to find all my non-fat clothes. Got to find my hair wax also... my hair is getting out of hand. Aiyah! actually, why bother... it's the face. The face no good... everything else also bo pian.
Anyway, didn't blog yesterday. Was too busy doing nothing. The day was sooooo boring. Besides my relatives coming over, which actually doesn't make much of a difference, i just basically spent the WHOLE day eating. Just eat and eat and EAT... non stop man. But you know, you kinda don't really notice how much you've eaten until you stop.. then it's "oh man... i'm damn fat and i just stuffed my face with a ton of junk!" i had 2 dinners man... fat or fat!!!! Aiyah. nvm larh... as i said. it's the face. FAT FACE!
My mum was being difficult today. Whiney and stubborn and was talking rubbish again. She couldn't even remember Nat's name. I just hope it's the medication.
Oh well, the day was RATHER boring... i just spent the afternoon talking to my goldfishes. Wanted to play with my dog, but he's ignoring all of us cause he's not allowed to come out of his space these days. He's so poor thing... but no choice. mum finds him irritating these days. But the day got better when Szeling, Nat and Dennis came over!!! Hee hee hee. Man, the 3 of them looked sooooooo good! nat dearie! you look GREAT! but what is new... but you really seem to be glowing. pretty pretty nat. Szeling also! with her new purple top and her altered jeans! and her hair really does look better with each day. Love you 2 girls soooooo much! Always manage to brighten my day/ life. Of course dennis looked good too... the colour red really does agree with him. Bust dennis always looks good anyway. He charms girls of all ages. haha. What can i say, when you put 3 of the world's most wonderful people together by your side, you really feel you have it all. why is it sometimes i feel like i got no friend... but other times, i feel like no one else could have better friends than i. The 3 of us were watching Clay on american idol (taped) today... hee hee hee. Just reminded myself on how amazing he is... Nat says dennis looks like clay... haha so dennis was saying how handsome clay was and that i had good taste. And szeling just HAD to diss me by telling dennis that he's the only one who says i have good taste. THANKS HUH girl... thanks. =P.
ALL of us were getting in touch with our feminine side. I was helping nat polish her nails and sticking the nail art thingy on her nails... and szeling was helping dennis polish HIS nails and sticking the thingy for him too! so dennis has nice chrome pink nails now.. haha Really got to give him 10 claps. not every guy is game enough and sporting enough to polish nails ok. The coolest thing was that he was willing to let us paint his nails...and he didn't even bother to remove it before he left. hahah cool! Dennis really is an amazing guy. Can't find anyone else like him.
yeh well. i was supposed to spend some time doing work over this long weekend. But i guess at the rate i'm going... it's not likely i'm going to get anything done. Right now i'm just thinking of shopping! But then i'm so fat. Think i must jian fei first. great. that's going to take me about a decade. nvm. i'll just window shop. no money anyway. Alrighty then... all those going back to botak land soon... take time to rest and do what you enjoy... once you're back in sunny island tekong, it's back to plain water and horrible whatchacallem... erm... comanders? Take care all! enjoy the rest of the week

*BURP!* I AM SO FULL I THINK I'M GOING TO BURST. Firstly, happy new year to all! especially to those who are still studying... we get a long weekend! YAY! just had my dinner not too long ago. At home this year, this is the first time for as long as i can remember that reunioun dinner was eaten at home. Usually we go to the restaurant and have 2 tables together with my paternal side of the family. Always dress up nice nice go out and eat take many many photos. This year, hair messy messy, face black black wear pajamas have dinner with little conversation. Guess that shows how bad things are at home. Seated at the table, looking at my mum's fraile and guant face. I wondered how many more reunion dinners i have left with my mum. Not being pessimistic, of course i have hope and yes i have faith, but if my mum doesn't want to fight anymore nothing is left for any of us to do. and being in the science field is NOT helping my view on things. oh well. not the best of times to be talking about this. it's supposed to be a festive season. well. the food was good nontheless. *slurp*
ANYWAY! i had to go to school for Mmic (medical micro-bio) lab this morning. Had to deal with sputum. At 8am... not a pleasant practical to have. No one could cough up anything... so we had to wait and wait and wait. Where's Gawain when you need him? no one can spit as instantaneously as him. But i don't mind waiting larh. I like practicals where you just sit down and not do anything but wait for answers to copy. haha Mmic is not easy ok... imagine learning the names of millions of bacteria/fungi/virus/protozoa and the different types of antibiotics and their effect on the vavious pathogens. it's not funny at all. I hope i never have to do this ever again after this sem. Good thing was that prac was slack and ended early! So.... we went to eat macdonalds breakfast!!!! yummy! it's not often i can eat mac breakfast ok... and they have the new bagel breakfast thingy. it's reallllyyy yummy... if you guys are up early enough, go try it! was at mac with Donnavan, alden and fiona. Sit down and laugh and laugh. quite fun larh. haha. Eat full already then went to pavillion to play pool with donnavan. Haiz... as they say, it isn't now like what it was last time. Can't even pocket a straight ball!!! One hour only play 6 games???? Used to be able to play at least 8! No skill already... Alvin, not fit you be your shi fu already larh. =(
OH! Ramu smsed me today!!! after about 10 tousand years. He apologised for the bad date we had like about 1 year ago... haha Must meet up with him soon. JIngsheng, i just read your blog. Bet it must feel sooo good to be home.. can sleep on your own bed. Got new HP somemore... cool! Call me leh.. when you're around the area larh. wanna see you botak also! Nat, sorry to hear about the lost of your grand-aunt. hope your mum is alright. Nat, when you come my house, you can read all the magazines you want! dig them all out for you.
Talk about magazine, read her world just now. They had this segment about whether kissing is considered cheating. What do you people think? i know for sure that i cannot tolerate it if my boyfriend kisses another girl, even if it's on the cheek. Don't know how some people can say that it's ok... weird.
ok larh... i'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning! hee hee hee. ok... who ever wanna come my house bai nian... all are welcome! Gong xi fa cai everyone!

Man.. what a day. TIRED! Woke up this morning with my eyelids weighing a ton. After taking cab to school for the past 4 days, i decided to take the bus today no matter how late i was. Obviously i was running late. looked like a COMPLETE slacker today. But who cares... nobody see me anyway. Phew, managed to arrive on time to school today... and then when lecture started, i forgot why i even made an effort to go. Molecular bio at 8 am does NOT have the effect of caffine! The notes that were given out had a BLACK background. how to highlight?! I had no idea what teacher was teaching and like half the LT, i was in my seat, staring at the screen with my mouth half open. Thank goodness i didn't turn into stone in that position. Would have looked super gross and spastic. The art of stoneing is best practiced on tuesdays. Hey, 7 straight hours of lecture alright?! Give me some credit! at least i went to school... and ON TIME somemore... and i took the bus leh...not bad alright. haha
Opposite from looking slack and stoned and ugly, Alden looked pretty good today. Haha. Tight fit arh alden! but he did look good. very lean and fit. Even charlotte was impressed and tested for his 6 pack which he said was "under construction". hahaha hmm.. we'll see we'll see. Another person that looked really good today was darling szeling. Think her hair is looking better everyday... unlike mine.. *grumble*
Szeling and i went shopping after school today... we both actually had things to do but shopping was more appealing. She both a pair of REALLY flattering jeans. But then again... ling looks good in almost everything. Then arh! i saw many nice stuff.... wanted to buy soooo many things.. but all not fated. shit. It was soooo good spending time with szeling. Though both of us were dead beat at the end of the day. but it was nice.. get out of home and school for awhile. Chatted about alot of things. Always enjoy time with ling.
Talk about chatting. Had a really good chat with *someone* =) last night. Was alittle weird cause i'm seldom so frank and honest about things. But i guess i'm so comfortable with him that i'm not worried things will change. hahaha i don't know if it's good or bad... so "someone".. what say you...? haha Too bad... time flies. =(
Ok nat, my answer to you. Ali is the same Ali i mentioned to you before larh. Remember not. Don't give me the face ok... Ali got girlfriend. Don't anyhow say huh. Don't wanna invite any catty-ness. Then huh! haven't say you yet! So long never call me... never miss me right...??????? you're bad. i miss you so much and you never miss me. The stupid mosquito is biting me!!!!!! shit. where's the mopiko? anyway... clique, if you're reading this. i miss you girls too.
oh! and special thanks to Alvin for making my blog nice and pink and puting Clay on it! hee hee hee. though he is abusing his right and is threatening to put up weird stuff on my blog. So right! if my blog looks bad... it's alvin's fault! *points at alvin* haha no larh. thanks alvin. very sweet of you.
Alright... that's about all for today. happy chinese new year eve eve! enjoy the long weekend coming up.

"Tell me why i don't like mondays..." Man, i can just so relate to the song. I was thankful though, cause i didn't have tutorial at 8 this morning, which meant i slept in for another hour. Lucky Ali smsed me to tell me that there wasn't tutorial, if not i would have been in a super foul mood if i had went. But then honestly, i couldn't really remember if he did sms me cause i was sleeping already, i could have been dreaming and not have known it. It always happens... thank goodness there really wasn't tut.
Anyway, haem test today was just so crap...! there just isn't a worst set paper in the country. 50 marks for 2 questions????!! it's so easy to fail it! It's bad karma to fail the 1st test of the semester. Then esther tan didn't even give speacific instructions on what to study for the test. Set the test in such a way we had to regurgitate an entire flow chart on haematopoiesis (making of blood). How evil is that? It was 30 marks worth! what if some people can't remember...? Such heavy weight for 1 question! She's bad larh! Then she forgot that there wasn't tutorial this morning but she still arrived at the classroom 20 mins late... and had a 15 min tut for the very few ppl who didn't know there wasn't tutorial. Starting the day seeing esther tan just isn't the best way to start the week or the day! perhaps i'm baised. Afterall, she made szeling cry. She's bad larh!
Well, one good thing was that school ended at 3 instead of 6 today. The plan was to go home and sleep. BUT THEN! just when i was all set to go home after MCT (mammilian cell tech) lab, it rained elephants and whales!!!! Couldn't go home. Was stuck in school and everywhere was flooded and i wasn't wearing sneakers today! It always rains when i don't wear proper shoes. Luckily Ali was with me, we went to the library to read and wait for his girlfriend to end school. Guess i spent most of the day with Ali. I got no friend. Had an early lunch break today, so happy, thought can slack abit more before class but GUESS WHAT?! ALL the canteens were packed! ended up outside the bookshop eating junk food.
Didn't see any of my friends today, besides during the test where everyone just ignores each other cause everyone is so caught up with the test. Guess i'm quite used to being ignored by now.. EVERYONE ignores me now a days. I didn't even get to see szeling. which is so strange. She wanted to show me her nails. Won't get to see her tomorrow either. Crap.
Thought i'd be relieved to get home after school.. can nap. BUT when i got home, i remembered why i always don't wanna go home, why i always dally when i go home. Can't seem to find my place these days. Don't really know where i belong. Transition maybe? Or maybe it's just monday. Nat's at eastpoint now. wonder if she'll call me up for coffee or something. Haven't seen her in awhile. My elder sis is out cutting her hair. Bet it'll turn out really nice. Look at my hair! Man! My life is mundane. Or maybe it's just monday.
We should do what garfield does. Set our alarm clocks for tuesdays on sunday. That fella gives good advice!
PS: dennis, i will load pictures when i learn how to, which is not soon. Give me a decade or so. i'm useless at these things.

First blog entry in my entire life. I wonder if i'm giving into the trend or do i think that i even have a life to write about? I guess i'll stick to the former. I'm giving in to trend. But then again, who doesn't? Guess i'm suffering from monday blues... but since i suffer monday blues everyday of the school week, it's SCHOOL blues to me. What can i say? School sucks.
The past week has been pretty good to me i suppose. It could have been alot worse. The week ended well. Dinner with great company! Fish and Co with Ling, Wynn and Dennis. Probably 3 of the most fantabulous people in my life. Talking about fantabulous people, i wonder how my clique is doing. Really sorry i missed our dinner together, but i just wasn't feeling up to it. Hope you girls are doing alright. =) Nat, how're you? How's work? Guess you must be REALLY tired. Must really rest well yarh? Wanna see you looking resplendent when i see you. Jac's prolly in Paris now, since she didn't reply my sms. Are you having fun babe? Checking out all the French hunks? "Tu es canon!" haha. ok. don't say that. Man, how i wish i could go on a holiday too... need to get away from the disturbances in my life. *tsk*
Recently, my mind has been filled with sentimental issues. NOT GOOD. Certain people have been running through my mind. They're still running through my mind after stomping all over my heart. I have no idea why these thoughts have been evoked, but it sure gave me alot to think about. Especially after watching those sappy romance shows on channel U, makes you feel so grieved. As they say in chinese.. "what's the use of pinning, when pinning makes you miserable." People should make more comedies.
Alright! i think i should stop now, thoughts just ain't flowing. Shall go study my Haem. Stupid lecturer, she should learn to give specific instructions on what to study. Szelllliiiinnnggg....! why you haven't call me???? goodnight peeps!