Right now, i am fuming mad. ANGRY. I am seldom ever angry. Pissed off? Maybe sometimes, but i'm seldom ever angry. Let me tell you what happened and you tell me if you'd be angry too.

"Mr Big" booked out today, this afternoon. So "Big" called to say that we'll be meeting tonight. So i told him that i would be working and will end at 10pm. "Big" said he'll come and fetch me from work, then we'll go and fetch Fenny and then go for some food of coffee. Fine. All sounds pretty good.

On my way to work, at about 5pm, i called "Big" to tell him that Topman is have a half price sale. He told me that we was in town with Miss A and Miss T. Fine. I told him to just stop by the shop and i'll offer him some chocolates. Everything was still fine.

Since my hp cannot be with me while i'm working, i only got his sms' when i ended work. There was one at about 8pm asking if i was going to Dbl O with ling and royston and there was another sms at 9.54pm to tell me that he was still in town with Miss A and Miss T and that he was going to take a cab home. I called him back at 10.05pm (just ended work), and he told me he was still waiting for a cab. (At this point, please refer to paragragh 2)

So i told him, since he was still in town, why not wait for me then we can come over to my house and i can drive us instead. The he asked me to go home 1st cause he'll be taking a cab home with the 2 ladies. He asked me to call him when i reach Simei. At this point of time, i was already quite peeved. Cause HE'S the one that said he'd come fetch me from work and at 10.05pm he is STILL in town. I have a reason to be annoyed do i not?

Fine. I told myself, don't be an ass. He only comes out once a week. So.... i SLOWLY walked from my shop to the train station and took the train home. (My shop is RATHER far from the Mrt station). I did this in order to accomodate his time. So i arrived at Simei Mrt station at about 10.50pm. I called Mr Big. Turns out he had just reached home. So i asked him what time he was going to come pick me. He said... "uh... i think you go home and bathe 1st." So i said.. "huh? are you going to take so long?" (Simei and bedok are not that far away) then he said.. "eerrr... don't know leh." So i said... "what do you mean you don't know?" Then he said..."cause i'm going to drive Miss T home 1st." I was really pissed at this point of time.

Miss T stays in SENGKANG. So "Big" will have to drive from Bedok, to Sengkang and back to simei. Keep in mind that he was supposed to come and fetch me from work but was still in town at 10pm and that i was waiting to go out.

So i said fine. I walked home, took my OWN SWEET TIME, seriously slowly, i did my stuff and went to shower. When i got out of the shower, Mr Big had smsed. "Yo. I'm not feeling well le. Keep on puking. Haha Sorry to keep you waiting. apologies." To that i replied.. "Right. Ok. night." OBVIOUSLY I'M ANGRY RIGHT?! He DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO REPLY!!

Don't you think you'd be angry too?!

Fine. Granted. He's tired. He just came out from tekong. He's probably not feeling well. COULDN'T HE SAY THAT THROUGH THE MANY PHONE CONVERSATIONS I HAD WITH HIM TODAY?! HUH?!

I'm not reacting this way cause i have special feelings for him. If ANY friend did this to me, i'd seriously be pissed. And it's just made worse because this is HIM we're talking about. Why on earth did you even suggest meeting up in the 1st place if you were going to do this.

If you're so sick that you keep puking... explain how is it you can spend time out with the 2 ladies in town till 10pm when you said you were going to come pick me? Or if you're that sick how is it you can drive Miss T home to SENGKANG? And keeping in mind that i had a phone conversation with him not long ago where he FAILED to mention anything about puking.

Everything has been proven right. He simply doesn't care about me or about my feelings and he never did. It's EXACTLY like what Ken said. "When he wants you then he holds your hand, when he don't want you, you're nothing but a speck". How truely disappointing. He's taken me for granted time and time and time again. How callous can someone be? What kind of attitude is this?! Between friends, such behaviour and attitude is unacceptable, so don't anyone EVER treat me this way, it's down right insulting.

I just CANNOT comprehend how he doesn't even think about me when he's in tekong or how he doesn't care to see me when he's out. Before he went in, we'd spend almost every waking hour together. It's only been 3 weeks!!!! I can't figure how a person can change so much in 3 weeks! It's so blatant that i was just a "summer fling". Even so, i don't deserve such treatment after all that i've put in.

I'm tired too you know. I had to wokr, i stand all the time, i don't get to drink water, i'm bending down most of the time. I'M TIRED TOO. But i made the effort to make time to see you. I have other friends who are out of tekong too. I could have better spent my time with my darling Alvin! Alvin was tired today too, but he came to the shop to say hi anyway! Meiqi and Marcus came to say hi too!

So what does he take me for? I'm transparent? I'm a person too. I'm a friend! A "summer fling"! Treat me with some consideration and respect! I deserve some.

I know i should be saying all these to him, but somehow i'm afarid of his reply. "I'm sorry i made you feel this way." "i'm sorry, but i don't know what to say". "i'm sorry" DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING! It doens't make anything better! And what am i supposed to say to "i'm sorry"?!

I have been nothing but my best to him. Don't i deserve better? He's so damned nice to Miss A and Miss T, i don't see where i fail in comparison. I dare say that i've been as good to him or even better to him then them. I'm not jealous, just spiteful cause i'm angry. I honestly think that if Miss T didn't have a boyfriend, Mr Big would date her. And that just sucks to me.

So tell me. Wouldn't you be angry? Tag it, so i know i'm not alone.

ARRRRGGGHH!!!!!

Was looking through my pictures and i came across these. It reminded me of how much fun ling and i used to have together. Really miss those days where we'd be crazy together. We'd really do dumb things. Think so many people were envious of our friendship. It was so nice. Hee.

Ling and i finally got rid of the wedge between us. It's been bugging us for a couple of months now. I suppose it's impossible to go back to what we were cause we've both moved in seperate directions. But at least we both know that we still have each other. I guess we both just need a reminder.

What ling and i have been through together is very special and very unique. People who know us will know what i mean. Last time, we used to come in a package, where there is dawn, there will be szeling and vice versa. The days where we'd be dysfuctional without one another. Distant as it is, it's still fresh in my heart and i will treasure it forever.

To my babe, i'm sorry. I love you and i'll try to make things better and make things work out. But you've got to help me cause i can't do it alone. I want us to be honest, i don't want anymore wedges. Shall we try to go back in time and be "szeling and dawn" again? It's different now i know, but i really miss us. My heart sank when i saw the photos. I've missed you so much.

I know i sound quite lesbianic, but that's what i want to say. Love you babe. Haha. Say you love me too? I'm glad we're better now. =)

Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions.
Dick Sutphen

I never heard it being put so well. If only i could say this to him and to many others. If only.

I woke up at 12.30pm today still feeling depressed. I'm just going to mope around the whole day cause i'm feeling alittle unwell too. I'm conflicted as to whether or not to call or sms, he's going back to tekong today and i feel as though he didn't come out at all.

Anyway, as Nat says, i'm closing this chapter and moving on. Not likely to be opening other chapters soon. But this chapter has definately come to a close. *nods* Nat, quater life crisis may be your line but it's MY phase. =P. If you ever abandon me... i'll not friend you anymore! =P haha. But yeh, really glad for you babe, my darling meizi. (Old school horh)

Ok. Going back to mope.

Today i was feeling extremely depressed. I couldn't even get myself out of bed. I woke up, had lunch, then went back to sleep only to wake up again when alvin called from tekong to chat and dressed up when jac asked to meet. Jac knew i was depressed and wanted to cheer me up. She's great. My bestest no doubt.

She told me some really upsetting news. I found out, one of my friends from sec school times, felicia's ex, jiahui had passed away in a military accident. He drowned. I was and am still in shock. I just can't believe it. Even though i wasn't close to him, but we had our chats and phone conversations and i remember him quite clearly. Death is so real to me now it scares me alittle. I'm only 20 and i've experienced the loss full blown. I'm not ready to be so strong and so mature. But i have no choice. To my dearest meimei, i don't know what i can say to make things better or to make it alright, i just hope YOU'LL be alright.

I don't understand how friends like kit and alvin can think of me enough in tekong to call me and sms me when i hardly spend time with them. But they did, and i'm so moved. I really never expected it. Especially from kit. He's looking forward to seeing me when he books out and i'm so pleased to know it. I'm really so happy that alvin called, like twice to chat for a good 10 mins! Seriously, it made me feel so much better. But is also makes me wonder, how come HE doesn't think of me as much when he's in there when i spent so much more time with him, and how come HE doesn't look forward to spending his book out weekends with me. Doesn't say very much does it? How should i be feeling toward that...? *shrugz* I'm not going to care if he doesn't. Why should i continue to suffer when he's not? I'm too tired from being the one who bothers and cares and feels and thinks. It's really not fair.

Anyway, it's official. Dawn has been left on the shelf. ALL her girl friends are attached (except vanessa, but that doesn't count cause van is just simply uninterested). Her 3 best girl friends are attached and her guy best friend is attached AND in tekong. How sad is that?! Therefore, today, i was feeling like an unattractive, uncharacteristic, fat lump of shit. Actually i still am. Even all that brainstorming with jac didn't have a result. Man. I'm too young to be feeling like this and i'm too old not to be bothered by it. I'm having a quater life crisis. I'm in a dump.

Somebody save me.

The darnest thing happened today (15th feb), i was supposed to meet ken at PLAZA SING at 9.40pm for a movie. See this is how the thing went. See, Ken wanted to watch it at great world city. However, i saw wrongly and thought that the tickets at great world were sold out for that time slot. So, the logical thing to do was to book tickets at another cinema, and the other cinema of logical choice is PS right? So i did. I booked the 9.40pm show at PS.

So, i smsed Ken to tell him that i booked the tix at PS. I specifically told him PS and he said ok. So we arranged to meet at 9.30pm at PS. All seems well. See the thing is, i had to collect the tickets at least 30 mins before the show, which means i had the collect the tix at 9.10pm. But! Knowing ken, he'll be late and turn up at 9.40pm at earliest so i didn't want to wait for him all alone like and idiot. So, i thought i was very smart in making the decision of going to Eastpoint and print my tickets form the AXS machine then i can be late too right? So i did just that.

At 9.30pm, i was standing at the box office waiting, i wasn't surprised cause ken is ALWAYS late. So i called him.. the conversation went something like this...

Dawn: "Hello ken.. where are you?"

Ken: "Outside Great World... give me 2 mins."

Dawn: "Oh. ok.. are you driving?"

Ken: "yarh. Driving"

(Of course i know it's impossible to get from great world to ps, but since 2 mins in ken's dictionary means 15 mins... i believe him.)

-------15 mins later, ken calls dawn----------
Ken: "dawn, i'm here, where are you?"

Dawn: "box office, where are you?"

Ken: "I'm outside gv......."

Dawn: "ken.. where are you?"

Ken: "i'm at great world.... SHIT?! Are you at PS?!"

Dawn: "why are you at great world?! The movie has started already!"

Ken: "Ok, my fault, i didn't confirm"

Dawn: " i SMSED you?! And you replied! Ken!!! You better come here right now!"

Ken: *laughing* "Yarh.. i'm coming now."

Of course it wasn't so funny to me because i had waited for quite a long time and i smsed him to confirm and he replied. It was kinda worse because i paid for the tickets and was missing the show. So i chucked the tickets and bought another set for the next show which was at 10pm.

Yeh, ken paid me back for the tickets. No, i wasn't angry cause i bumped into peiqi and we both had a good laugh about Ken and his kok-headedness.

What can i say... MEN!!! They don't care and they don't listen. MEN!!!!!

Today (14th June), we celebrated Sharon and Elaine's birthday. I am suddenly overwhelmed with this sense of pride and sadness and nostalgia at the same time. I'm suddenly trying to recall how my clique came to form. We're all so different but at the same time, so much the same.

Secondary school was made so great by these girls. I remember how Sharon and i were perfect strangers even though we were in band together. Then by God's plan, we were in the same group in sec 3 alpha camp and became good friends. We very happily canoed into the swamp and got stuck. Since then i have never canoed. It was an interesting experience and i shared it with sharon. I guess it's one of our earliest memories together. =) I still laugh to myself when i think about it. As i sat back and think about it, sharon's changed. She's not as cold and passive as she was before. She's opened up alot more. I remember the time she came to visit me in hospital after school when she was in jc, and we both were cuddled on my HOSPITAL BED watching tv. haha. Seems so long ago...

Elaine and i shared alot together. I remember her pink hello kitty school bag, and her orange elle school bag where we bought at J8 DAIMARU! The times where we'd go to her house to watch silly vcds and scare ourselves and there was this wall in her study room that was filled with photos and this poster of some really cute guy who's name i cannot remember. Then we'd play like TECHNO (yee eer) to entertain ourselves. Then there would be times in class where elaine would be plucking leg/arm hair (i have photos as proof!) and sheena would run over from her class to play with us. I have photos of that fateful day. Elaine.. remember you crying outside the hall cause clarice was leaving anf remember rina choo..?? Haha. Man, those were the days. we were quite naughty horh.

Of course there's vanessa whom we all love so dearly. Haha. She turned up today in a dress!! A white floral printed dress! Our dearest samseng vanessa png. I look at vanessa and i cannot believe what i'm seeing! The super tomboyish samseng who'd rather die than wear skirts is sporting manicured nails (with the crystals somemore), skimpy tops, dresses and heels?! I super cannot digest it. I had alot of fun with vanessa in sec school. She was with me from sec 1 all the way to sec 4. Always the happy go lucky, spoilt (she never contirbutes to clearing up or cooking or marketing, never eat at hawker center unless it's hums), butch of the past is now a full fledged working adult, wearing dresses and still a complete feminist. Our favourite joker, she says the funniest things larh! Nat remember "which is good"? It used to be our favourite inside joke.

When i think of Fel, i always remember her beeping pager. It used to ALWAYS be beeping! Always guys guys guys and more guys. Haha. What can i say? That girl is one attractive babe. She's used to be the slowest in the clique, the last to catch on to jokes. Oh wait, i think she still is. Haha. I remember us always going to her place to have steamboat. And no matter when or where we have a clique gathering, fel will always be sick! Then there would be times where we'd go to fel's house and she'll give us the super yummy guo tie's her dad makes. I remember the times we'd play pool with sharon and sheena at monster cue and she'll trash me. The times where she'd cry when she was heart broken and we'd all curse the guy who cause it and we'll all huddle together to make things better. Remember all the roxy wallets felicia has bought over the years... she's STILL using roxy. haha. Nat, remember the time at He Brews when fel said "my eyes are not small ok!"

The times i've spent with jac are priceless. We go way way way back. The times where i'd want to die before the psle results cause i know i'd do really badly. (and i did by the way) The times she used to come over and we'd play with dolls even up till sec 2 and we'd swear we won't tell anybody. Haha. The times she'd listen to me ramble about darren. The times she'd used to wait for me to voicemail darren at the public phone downstairs before walking to school. we used to buy breakfast from the market and eat at the void deck before school. The DOUGLAS times. Haha. That one is just CLASSIC i tell you. Haha. Remember the 1st time i met zhuang. It was at bugis and i was so late home i had to lie big time to my mum and got locked outside my house. Times where she'd go out with zhuang and tell her mum she was having band and i'd have to leave my band mufti outside my house for her to change. We used to make cookies and have cambels, maggi mee lunches and watch the "BIG FISH!!" show and laugh our heads off. Times where i'd used to cry at her house and pluck tissue. Haha. Man, how we've grown. Words cannot express our friendship. 17 years. It's been a tough journey but we made it so far. =)

Of course there's my darling Nat. Whom has been with me though thick and thin, fat and thin, clear skin and breakouts. She's also one special friend. The times we studied together before o levels, doing our 10 year series over and over and doing all sorts of prelim papers from other schools. She helped me score my o level grade. The time she came to my poly and sat with me through my very boring biochemistry lecture. The times we'd go to He Brews together and talk to the waiter (clement) and listen to the band. The choir concerts i've been to and faithfully brought flowers. Introducing dennis to me. Held me tight when my mum passed away. Held me tight each time i fell. The plans we made together, the plans we carried out together. Tolerated my bad habit of leaving tissue around ( i don't do it on purpose ok!), and for never making an issue of my snoring. For introducing me to all her friends, for letting me introduce her to my friends. The only one in the clique i've been clubbing with. Conversations and qulity time i've spent with nat is priceless. I guess the only ones who will truely understand the endearment of our friendship is us. She's the friend i bring for my birthday dinners. She was there when i crashed the car and she never blamed me for almost killing her. What can i say? That's my babe.

Of course there's Sheena whom i cannot put to words cause she was just so wonderful in her own way. I think my clique and i would like to keep her within our circle and within our hearts. It was so quiet without her today. Her shrieks of laughter and her endless chatter. I miss her so much. We all do.

Seeing my clique all in their office wear and office talk reminds me how far we've come. Think God has preserved us for a reason and has taught us a very valuable and painful lesson. It reminds me of the times we'd sit in out PL uniforms last time and look over at the other table where this group of working adults, girlfriends, would be having tea and yakking. We'd say to each other.. "eh, that'll be us next time." Guess what girls, we're the girls secondary school girls will be pointing and talking about. We're what they want to be. Fabulous. That's what we are. FABULOUS. We're stylish, we're earning, we're intelligent individuals who have a bunch of girlfriends to rely on. We are who we wanted to be. We're still us. How great is that?

I love you girls. You guys are simply the best.

I've basically had too much time to think over these few months. Which isn't really all that good a thing, especially when you're bumming. I suddenly realised how time has flown me by without me knowing. I looked back at the past few years and i think i've come very far. Age and maturity has set in, maybe i grew up faster than i wanted to. Soon moving into a new phase into my life, i decided that there are a few things that i need closure from. But i might not have the courage to "close up" to them.

There was this whole Sharon and Alden thing which i prolly never really got over. I still think about it sometimes and i still can't believe it happened. Everytime i see sharon i get reminded of the incident and suddenly i'll feel super inferior. She makes me feel really small and ugly and unattractive. Which in any case is true enough and i really don't need her magnifying it for me. It's like i still can't believe that Alden would choose her over me. Not that i'm being arrogant and cocky or thick skinned, but seriously, i do think that i am a better character than her! I mean "stealing" your good friend's guy when she's at her most vulnerable is just despicable larh! I should have just stop being friends with her then i would suffer alittle less. I really want to ask her why she did it and tell her that she's being a complete bitch about things. She sucks.

There was of course Donnavan. My dearest gay partner with whom i used to spend alot of time with. The many many many movies that we caught together. Our record was 4 movies in a week. Every show also watch. Haha. We'd play pool together and we both used to be pretty good. We'd study together at tampines mac everyday during exam study break. He really was a good friend. We had alot of fun together and he'd give in to my every whim and fancy. Haha. Maybe that's cause he used to fancy me. What happened eventually... i can't really remember. I think we didn't contact as often and somehow we "dissolved". Oh well, what is new. It's all become some kind of cliche.

Sometimes i think of Darren. I think i knew him too early in my life. I figured that if i had prolly known him later, we'd be really good friends. Cause we were in fact really good friends. We shared really great times. Those young, sweet, puppy love times. They were great. Cause at that time i was 14 and the world was simple and perfect. I never did have closure with darren. He went to JC and kinda drew away to a new crowd which i now FULLY understand, is natural. But i still always wonder what it's be like if we were still in close contact. He was so perfect in my world at that time. But then again, everything was perfect at 14. Darren's the 1st guy i ever liked. He changed alot of things, he kinda changed me too i guess. But it was Alden who made me a cynical bitch.

Then there're other people like Gerald who contributed so much to my life i can't possibly think of how to thank him. If it weren't for him, i'd prolly be fresh out of ITE and not poly. I'd prolly hd failed my maths really badly and have no real future. Then there was the time we went to perth to visit my jie together and it was sooooo fun! Hee hee hee. Funny how i can just talk and talk and talk to gerald and he'll never judge me. Always there with an objective male opinion. Haha. But then again he's always taken my side. hah.

Yesterday i spoke to gillian on MSN for the 1st time in a really long while. I suddenly remember the secondary school days we shared. The countless hours we's spend on the phone. Her whole Ying Wei fiasco. The band times, and the time she'd let me play her flute in class when we both know that it's not allowed. The times we'd PAGE (OLD SCHOOL) each other, leaving silly voicemails. Man, how life has moved on and changed us. It's hard to imagine me in sec school, i'm remembering less and less of it.

I feel that i need to credit my dearest Alvin. My silent friend who was always there to support me. I never give him enough credit for what he does for me. Alvin's like a blanket to me. Sometimes a wet one, but in any case i appreciate his honesty. He'll come right out and tell me my face is rotting and that i'm fat and i really appreciate it. Then again he never fails to tell me that he thinks i'm pretty. Haha. He covers me with this protective aura, and he'll never let anyone bully me. He comforts me when i'm down and he can listen to my same complaints over and over and he'll never ask me to shut up. But he won't hide truths from me. He'll tell me that i'm being stupid and he'll tell me that i've changed and he'll tell me that he doesn't like it and i truely appreciate it. He really is a true friend. A really heartfelt one.

Of course there are many others who are very significant in my life, like Szeling and Dennis and Esther and Fenny and Kiwi and Peiqi and Ken and Reynard, not forgetting my dearest clique. I don't think i can really find the words which are enough to express the things they hve done for me. And i am so blessed to have them.

Then there's this whole kiwi thing which will just never be settled cause i think neither of us has the courage to do or say anything. I guess we have too much at stake. Our pride, our dignity, our friendship, our freinds, our feelings. We have too much in common. One wrong move or one wrong move could just destroy everything. But i really want to know what he's thinking and what he's feeling towards me. After everything that we've sorta been through, don't i deserve to know? Now i'm just waiting to see him again. Distance either makes the heart grow fonder or it draws people apart. So which is it then? Actually i know the answer, i just need it to be real. I need to see him draw away then i can move on. And maybe i can be angry with him and get over myself. There are so many many many things i wanna say to him, but i don't think i can bring myself to. Kiwi's just too much of a male. It sucks.

I'm just feeling all nostalgic. Have too much time to think. Argh. I just wanna study. Start over and do a better job this time. Hopefully i can and i will. I really wanna do this well and not waste all that time and money. And i don't wanna think about so many things. Studying is good. We should all study. I hate getting older. It stinks.

Bachelor of Science (Occupational Therapy)

Occupational therapists work closely with individuals and groups in promoting health, preventing illness or disability and helping those people with illness or disability to achieve as high a level of independence and quality of life as possible. Independence and satisfaction of the person in performing the tasks and roles associated with home, school, work and leisure are of prime concern to the occupational therapist. The occupational therapist is an important member of the health care team and works with people with physical, psychiatric, psychosocial and age related difficulties or disorders. The therapist uses professional skills and a range of creative, recreational, social, self-care and work related activities in assessment and treatment.

Graduates are eligible for membership of the Australian Association of Occupational Therapists and for registration with the Occupational Therapists Registration Board of Western Australia. The course is recognised by the World Federation of OccupationalTherapists (WFOT).

Course Structure
Year 1 Semester 1
-Occupational Science
- Professional Practice
-Psychology 123
-Human Biology 133
-Health Science Communication 180

Year 1 Semester 2
-Lifespan Development
- Foundations for Practice
-Psychology 114
- Research Methods
-Human Biology 132
- Neuroscience

Year 2 Semester 1
-Anatomy and Kinesiology
- Ergonomics and Occupational Health
- Psychosocial Processes
- Psychiatry

Year 2 Semester 2
-Anatomy and Kinesiology
- Gerontology
- Clinical Medicine
- Rehabilitation

Year 3 Semester 1
Occupational Therapy Third and Fourth Year Stream
OR
Honours Occupational Therapy Stream

I mean is that exciting or what?! I so super can't wait to start school! Human biology, anatomy, clinical medicine, phycology... man.. i can't wait! Sounds good doesn't it? I think it does. Hee hee hee.

I'm sick to the bone now. Running a fever. Sucks. I still had to lug my ass to suntec for a job interview at Royce. It wasn't one of my better interviews. I never interviewed for anything except science before. I've never failed an interview before. Don't know. It's all in God's hands. But i think arh... i'm not cut out to work larh. I'm supposed to be the kind, sit at home, shak leg, play mahjong or go out, mani and pedicure then go for spa and high tea. Hahaha. Yeh. If only. chey. Want to faster go and study. Studying rocks larh.

Was supposed to meet Gerald today, but was so terribly sick. I'M SORRY GERALD! My jie was so nice today. She drove me for interview and drove me back. Think she scared i might faint. Fevers sucks.

Know i was thinking, if i were to be this sick in australia next time then how?! Nobody take care of me. No body bring me to the doctor, nobody bring me medicine or a cold towel. Wah lao. Damn sad. I hope i don't ever fall this sick. Just don't give me fevers. Fevers always hit me real bad since the lung infection. Really suffer. But somehow not thinner leh. Sian. Have to lose 5kg in a month. Must be thin for graduation. How?!

I wonder how he is. Must be really tired in tekong with all that sun and all that training. Haven't spoken to him in a while. Prolly the longest i haven't spoken to him. Hmm. *shrugz*

I can't believe it has only been 3 days...!!! I feel like it's been an eternity already. But ok. Let's not get all melodramatic. I would say that this is the time where i'd take a step back and try and get over everything that has happened or did not happen, whichever is more accurate, however, as all of you would know, i somehow fail to do so. It's an operational flaw. I am however trying not to think too much. So i think i deserve alittle credit. Heh.

Kiwi called me last night from Tekong. Hee hee hee. Didn't talk for long, but it was nice to know that he thinks of me yarh? Haha. Of course i know i shouldn't be floating on clouds cause it is afterall only the 3rd day. So yeh. I will resolve not to msg him today and make him miss me abit more. Haha.

I am right now contemplating going downstairs for a swim. But the thought of being hungry after it with no food to eat at home just sucks. Not forgetting that i'm still aching from the tennis session i had on friday where i got whacked in the left cheek by 2 fast flying tennis balls. Excuses. Excuses. I'm just lazy. But no larh. I think i will go down. Heh. Know yesterday Fenny asked me if i wanted to detox with her. To go on a fruits and Veggie diet. I was in fact very tempted to take up the challenge considering i have to be think for graduation and it's only about a month away. But then i decided that i'll prolly just die larh if i have to survive on veggie. Fruits still ok larh. But veggie is just cannot wan larh! I hate veggies! I think next time when i'm old i'll have lotsa problems. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, liver failure (used to drink quite abit with the jiu guis), kidney failure (i love to eat salty stuff) and diabetes (my enormous sweet tooth). Suddenly detox sounds good. Haha. Crazy. cannot make it wan larh.

Yesterday i sent in an application for a sales promoter job for Royce chocolates. I love their chocolates and i know alot of you guys d too. I don't know if they'll call me up for interview or not but i think i wouldn't mind working at a chocolate shop. Hee hee hee. They wanted someone with sales experience which of course i don't have, so maybe they won't want me. Extra training costs money. I had a really difficult time writing my cover letter. Never written one that's not related to my diploma before. Writing cover letters just suck larh. Spend so much time writing one letter, employer read one time then buang. Waste time and effort. Chey.

The thing with new jobs or a new school or a new class is the fact that you have to go through the 1st day. So far i've been really lucky. Had a friend with me no matter which path i went through. There was Charlotte who was there with me from sec school to poly, then there was alden who was together with me when we split into biotech. Then there was esther who was with me when we split into vet science, then there was fiona who was with me in wyeth. Suddenly when i think about starting a new job with no friend i feel quite scared. No one to have lunch with you. No one to talk cock with you. Quite scary. Thinking about going to uni with no friend is even worse. Classes you have to attend alone, meals you have to eat alone, going to school alone, going home alone, sitting alone. ARGH!! I don't know how i'm going to survive man. At least Kiwi went into tekong with lennart. I hate transitions. Basically i hate change and i hate boys. I think i should just dig a hole and put my head in it.

I'll be going for dinner with Wyeth people tonight. Quite a big group. Peiqi, Ken, Jeff, Mark, Guowei and Fiona. Should be quite interesting if not akward. I haven't see Peiqi in about 3 weeks already. I think it's the longest time i haven't seen her since after attachment. Hmm. Wyeth. I can't help thinking how things would be if i had accepted their offer. I won't be broke, i won't be bumming, i won't have this whole kiwi fiasco, i also won't have any long sleeps, i also won't be able to see the sun, and will probably be grumbling about work and the distance i have to travel. But aiyah. Think for what? It's over. Forget it. Just be grateful i came out of wyeth with more than what i had when i went in.

Okay, I think i will go downstairs for a swim. It is now 1pm and i have nothing to do for the rest of the day until i go out for dinner. Boredom. I hope the Royce people call me. *crosses fingers* Can't wait to go for dinner with gerald and jie. Hee hee.

I miss birdy.

If anyone wants to know the feeling of being in a dubious, on again-off again, hot and cold "relationship", just ask me.

Sucks. I hate NS.

I don't wanna have sons. The thought of sending them to Tekong is just too much to bear.

I went to Tekong today. To see Kiwi and Lennart off to their sad fate. It is sooooooo HOT. It is UNBELIEVABLY hot. It's like a prison. So poor thing!! Poor kiwi!

Actually i'm not feeling sad, or depressed, or upset. Just a little lost and empty. Like there's a void you know? Afterall i spend so much time with him. It's ok to miss him what right? Don't know larh. Just must get over. MUST.

I just hope he takes care of himself in there. Know his foot is still spoilt, and i hope he eats cause he's bent on being thin, and i hope he sleeps well and i hope he misses me. Haha.

This is me being neurotic and emotionally restless and mentally confused and suffering from withdrawal symtoms. So yeh. If i'm not making sense, please don't yell at me. I just miss my friend.

I hate NS.