I don't know where i stand in your life. How should i respond to your treatment? When there's only the 2 of us, i feel your soft affection. When there are other eyes, i'm no different than a stranger to you. Don't say you need me, don't say you love me, don't say you keep me in your heart silently, don't say i'm important, all these you don't show. I don't know how to play this hand of cards. I look at you and my heart is filled. Do i ask for too much? Do i hold you too close? Sometimes i feel like walking away. But if i do, who's going to remind you, who's going to look out for you? Maybe i just shouldn' care. If you find me a bother just let me know. I can't always read the signs. You're not giving me any. You're the same to everyone, how am i to know? Do you want me to stay away? Do you want me to stop caring? Just TELL ME! I feel like i'm living in 2 different worlds when i'm around you. Sometimes i wonder, why can't you view me the same way. Then i look in the mirror, my mirror, and i know why.

I think i just need to sleep.

Oh oh oh! I prolly should mention that i dreamt that alden didn't want me anymore again!!!! It's happening too often these days. It's disrupting my sleep cause i wake up feeling really insecure. Tsk. He's invading my sleep too!!! It's like the 3rd time this month already. Freaky. Think it might really happen? I hope not.

Got up on the wring side of the bed today, therefore i was pretty grumpy and cranky throughout the day. I slept about 4am this morning only to be woken up abruptly, ordered to bring my lil sis all the way down to town to watch Asterix (the movie's in french by the way). 1stly, i had completely NO interest in watching the movie, 2ndly, i really didn't want to go all the way down to town, 3rdly, i was really looking forward to sleeping in, 4th, the movie was at 1.15pm which meant i had only about 2 more hours left to sleep upon being rudely woken up, 5th, i hate to be woken up when i absolutely have no reason to be, 6th, i had NO money, therefore no mood to go out, 7th, i really was feeling sleepy. See. Can't blame me for being cranky. I had alot of reasons to be. I had no choice but to pull myself out of bed and go down to town and sit in a lousy Lido cinema and watch a stupid show. I don't like Lido cinemas, too cramped, weird seats, weird people. The better part of the day was bumping into Jac at borders while i was completely stoned, gossiped abit and felt abit better. Heh. Then i went to my popo's house for dinner. Been eating too much. Must stop.

Anyway, some of you may be wondering why i slept at 4am. Was out for supper last night, then met dennis at siglap at about 12.45am together with fenny and kiwi. I have yet to conduct the post mortem. Heh. Dennis sent me home about about 1.45am and we ended up talking until 3 plus in the car. It's one of those conversations that keeps going on and on and on cause one topic leads to another and so on. I must say that it was a very defining conversation. Yup. But this was the later part of the day.

Earlier, school started at 9am but ended at 11. I had absolutely no plans for the rest of the day. So fenny, esther and i went to eat kway chap (yes i know, i'm fat enough). Ended up sitting there from 11 to almost 2. Thank goodness darling Nat called and asked if i wanted to meet up. So i went down town to meet her, together with sheena. 3 girls with no money going out together. Had nothing to do cause the pocket wasn't feeling too well. So, we do what we do best (aside from gossiping), we went to eat (yes, again). Shopped around abit, i must applaude sheena for managing to last so long in her nice, new, pointy, pink polka-dotted shoes. Haha. But she was the 1st to go home, mum nagging i guess. Nat and i ended buying a sort of matching pair of specs. Can't deny that they look good, but NO MONEY YOU KNOW NAT! Don't know where i'm going to dig money from man. Haha. So implusive! afterwhich i went home also, it was already 8pm and Collin was waiting for Nat to go part tor. Sho Shweet. Yeh lorh, came home, slack around abit then kiwi came to pick me up in his lorry. Haha. I think the security guard downstairs must be thinking "this girl huh.. everynight go out until so late, so ill disiplined. So more always wasting money taking cab back. tsk." He always looks at me funny when i come home in the wee hours of the morning. What.... i'm not indulging in decadence. *Jac, am i using the word correctly huh?* I suddenly forgot how to phrase it. Too sleepy.

I really should hit the pillows soon. Got to wake up early for sunday school tomorrow. Going to be alone. So poor thing right? Szeling's abandoning me to go and do her hair. NO FRIEND. Haha. No larh. It's ok. I can handle it. The most i'll come home after service lorh. Somemore Sharon's in Kuching. NO FRIEND. Oh! Nat nat, the chocolate thing right.. i know you really wanna go, so you just take my hp larh. If not dinner is also good for me. But i think it's better if you guys go ahead without me larh, think dennis is bored shit of me by now. Just let me know the plans larh. To pass you the hp or not k?

Alrighty. I actually have school work to do, but i'm too lazy now. Tomorrow. Promise. I'll do it tomorrow. Really. Stop giving me the Uh-huh face. Really.

PS: Szeling darling. Don't worry about the 6 months. I WON'T abandon you. I'll meet you for break EVERYDAY so you'll have friend ok? Attend lecs with you too! Really. I won't fly off to uni without you ok. I'm still waiting for you to go with me! I won't abandon you. Really really. Not say only.

You'll know that someone means alot to you when you allow yourself to wait for him/her for over 2 hours while reading a book when you really don't have to. Looking at it differently, i am probably just an idiot with too much time on my hands. Haha.

I didn't go to school today. So i met dennis for lunch at siglap before he went for his dental. The last time i'm going to see him with his braces that i adored. What can i say, he's got perfect teeth now, perfect smile, all he needs to do is cut his hair and he'll be any girl's prince charming. Just that he'll probably leave his princess anxiously waiting for his arrival while he says he's reaching soon. Haha. Sorry dennis. Maybe when he's out with the girl he likes he's always early. Szeling joined us for lunch too cause her class stats at 3, everyone has to eat right? After she left for school, dennis went for his dental and emerged through the door flashing his million dollar smile. What can i say? I certainly didn't miss the braces at that point. Felt like i was looking at picture perfect. =) He was supposed to send me to the SIGLAP bus stop so that i could take the bus home cause he had another appointment, but he ended up sending me ALL the way home cause i didn't specify which bus stop so he said he'll send me to the bus stop outside my house. *gives the uh-huh face* I should really learn to be more specific with my instructions or requests. Geez. Not that i'm complaining, but he was running late for his dinner date!

Know what? I have this bruisey pimple on my nose. It's really rather painful, it hurts everytime i touch my nose. It's giving me a headache. Stupid pimple. I hate getting pimples on my nose. They take forever to go away and are always painful. Ok wait, what am i saying. I hate getting pimples, full stop. I'm really rather sleepy, but there's O.C tonight. Cannot miss. Cannot miss. I realise that i have lecture at 9am tomorrow and it's a 2 hour lecture, after which, i'll be free! There's the drag of waking up and sitting through the lecture, but thankful i get to go home early. If anyone wants to meet me, let me know. Hee hee. Realised that i haven't seen alden in the shirt i bought for him, maybe it doesn't fit. Woops. But i think it should fit, i'm not usually wrong about such things. Oh well, maybe he doesn't like it? Maybe i'm thinking too much. Yeh i think that's it. Haha.

Feel like soaking my hair in milk or something. I always complain that my hair's like grass, but i always itchy hand go and do all sorts of funny things to it. I really have to stop cutting it, colouring it, and let it grow. However, the weather's really hot these days and i really feel like cutting it all off and sport a stylish bob or something. I know i always say that but once i look at my long hair pictures, i just can't do it. *bleahz*

Ok, there's good tv on now, so i shall go and watch. If anyone wants to meet tomorrow, let me know k? See ya!

School has just started and things are already getting busy. This semester only consists of 15 weeks after which i will be out on a 6 month attachment. Time is flying by without warning, got to be more constructive this semn otherwise i'll be too far behind to catch up. There was lab today, usually lab doesn't start till 2nd or 3rd week. Thank goodness lab was interesting today, because i'm getting so bored of the subject, had a total of 8 hours of the same subject over 2 days. It's not funny at all. We had animals in the lab with us today, mice, rats and bunnies!!! The bunnies are soooooooooo adorable! Like a giant ball of cotton. They're bigger than my russell! We learnt how to handle and restrian them, studied their behaviour and learnt how to inject them intra peritoneal. So poor thing! But i'm in this field, no choice. Got to love them but kill them. They're so cute and furry. I just HATE the tails of the rats! They're disgusting!

The past days have evoked many thoughts on my part, some of which i shared with dennis on monday. After which i felt slightly better. Dennis came over and i gave him the GIANT mug i got for him. I think he liked it. Hee hee. Had a really good time with him. I always do.

I went for the Linkin Park concert yesterday. It was good. Loud and rowdy, but good. Went with Esther and Tim. Weird combination i know. Haha. Ling, dennis, wynn and micheal were out together while i was at the gig. SHIT. Wanted to join them, but our timings were just clashed. Oh well. Just glad they had a fantabulous time.

I'm not going to school tomorrow!!! YAY! No class. Except a 1 hour 8am morning lecture. Ask me to wake up just to go for that?! You got to be kidding me. Kiwi has been so nice as to help me collect notes. Hee hee. Think only he'll be going. Kiwi, as hardworking and clever and zai as ever. A guy like kiwi is almost extinct already. Dennis will be removing his braces tomorrow. He's going to be ever so handsome. =) Going to miss his cheeky metal smile that i love so much. I'm sure he'll look even more charming without his braces. But i have a thing with guys and metal smiles. Haha. Just like how i have a thing for guys with a certain look. My girls will know EXACTLY what i mean. Haha. Talk about my girls.. i miss them! Will see them soon i think.

Ok, i think i'm going to call szeling now. Feel like i didn't talk enough to her today. Abit weird. ok. Szeling! pick up your phone!

*Actually, i wrote this yesterday.*

Alright, though it's rather late now, and i have to go to school tomorrow, i will have to blog now otherwise the feeling won't be the same. I'm sure my girls will agree with me. Haha.

I just got home from Jac's house. The WHOLE clique was present today. All 8 of us. How cool is that. Like FINALLY. For the 1st time this year i think, and i finally have a clique picture. At last. A complete one. Man, i had a blast, a fantabulous time. I've completely forgotten what it felt like to have such an amazing time, it's so.. rejuvinating. *beams* By the way, i think Vanessa png is really sexy. Really really. Not that everyone else isn't, they all are. But if you knew vanessa in secondary school.... it's quite a mind blowing change. She's really sexy now, especially when she dances. Wooooo hooo. Haha. AIYARH! we were all mad larh today. Doing really senseless and silly things, recording silly videos and laughing like mad. We're going to watch the videos in 10 years and be completely embarressed. Haha. By the way, i decided that i really can't dance. I'm sorry to whoever has seen me on the dance floor, i must have been really awful to look at. *digs a hole to hide in* I am therefore not going to dance anymore unless i'm really high on alcohol. I can't believe they made me dance in front of my little sis! It's highly humiliating, she's going to mock me forever! I was feeling so un-sexy and un-skinny and un-pretty today, so yarh. It was embarressing. I'll only do a thing like that with my clique i tell you, otherwise i'll have nowhere to hide my face. *groans* Jac, NEVER show anyone the videos. Clique, please please please don't let it land into wrong hands ok! It's really so much more fuun with vanessa around! She's really cool and funny and sporting. She's such a babe now. Soon ill have no place to stand already in my clique. As i've said before, you can't take a member out of the clique, we'd be incomplete.

Well, besides doing silly rubbish, i think we also dug deeper into each of our hearts and lives and came out of our individual shells. We shared our pain, our secrets, our grieve that has bothered us for years, shared alot of ourselves today i think. All our *ahem* dirty secrets which we would only tell each other. Sharon Lp, actually i'm glad you let it out today, know it's been bugging you for so long. I'll always be here for you ok? Think a few of us shared some tears today, think after today, the drift between us has lessen, i'm glad. Girls, don't let your boyfriends bully you ok? Must treasure yourselves! Oh! Specail thanks to Jac for preparing dinner and opening up your house to a crazy group of girls. Haha. True friendship is when you're making a fool out of yourslef and everyone else just joins you. Haha. It was so super fun! We really should spend more time doing this before Jac goes off to study, it'll be alot harder then. I love you girls sooooo much. Life would just be so different without you girls. Really.

Anyway, it's back to school tomorrow. Argh. It's going to be my last studying semester. So fast. Should really do better this semester. Esther, we must study ok? Must go for lecture ok? Except maybe jason chang lectures, but the rest must go ok? Szeling, we must do work ok? Cannot say only. Cannot. MUST. Talk about 'must'. I must call dennis soon. I haven't really spoken to him since he got back, if i don't call him soon, he'll be going back before i even get down to do doing it. Dennis, if i don't call you, you must call me larh! I just don't understand what's with guys and the "i don't have the habit of calling people." *shrugz* Ok larh. I should really go and sleep now. Got school tomorrow. NO CAR TO DRIVE! Shit. Clique, thanks for today, i really haven't laughed so much in a long time.

I'm taken over by a sense of envy, may it never develop to become jealousy, for hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I should never have given so much or shared so much. Don't want to turn against the people i love the most, i really don't need that to happen now. Liberation, that's what i need. To be freed from everything. Sometimes i just want to be selfish and petty. It's so much easier. ARGH! STUPID.

The weather sucks. It's hot and humid and so still, suffocating! It's also not helping that i cannot breathe properly cause my nose is blocked. Argh! Disgusting singapore weather. I should just keep myself in the aircon room the whole day. Going back to school in 2 days, it's back to the shithole everyone. Well, at least this sem i got friend. Seems like the entire biotech Vet science tract has the same timetable! I don't know how on earth they're going to achieve that, but i'm not complaining! I got FRIEND! There's Esther and alden and donnavan and ali! Quite a motely crue, but at least i won't be alone this sem. I'm quite pleased with my timetable, only 1 8am day and 2 6pm days, so IF i have the car *grumbles* i'll be very content. I haven't gotten over the car thing, just cannot believe my luck. Stupid.

ANYWAY! Dennis is back! YAY! Do hope i will be seeing more of him before he leaves again. Will have to wait really long before seeing him again the next time. Jac's leaving soon too... 4 years later, hopefully we'd still be bestest best friends. I'm quite certain we'd make it larh, it's been 16 years afterall. 16 great years. Should really spend more time with my friends going into uni, Nat, stop being such a beautiful social butterfly and spend more time slacking around with me! Sharon, we will definately have more quality time... we will. Fel! STOP WORKING OT and call me sometime please! *sigh, everyone's going into uni and i'm still stuck in poly. Sometimes i wish i had gone to JC instead, but most of the time, i'm thankful that i didn't. I would never have met Szeling then. Of course there are other fabulous friends i have in poly, they're the best part of school.

Met Nat's friend Keith today for 5 seconds to pass him something for nat. I went downstairs to meet him and i forgot to wear my specs, i must looked like a moron squinting to see him. Haha. Finally get to meet him, nat sings his praises. Though i'd have to agree with him that it's quite weird cause we really don't know each other, only by name and through nat. He's left an impression. Not many people i meet do.

Was talking to Jac on the phone just now about alittle 'problem' *ahem* that i'm having. I think i really think too much. Got to stop doing that, it gets in the way of things and makes me really miserable sometimes. But talking to Jac really helps, cause she knows be at the back of her hand, so she knows that i just need to complain and whine until i'm satisfied. Meeting the clique on sunday! yay! Hopefully it'll be all 8.. though i think it'll prolly end up being 7 as usual. My bet is vanessa being absent this time. It's always 7. Hopefully it'll be 8 larh. Then we can FINALLY take a full clique picture, i don't think we have one.

I'm meeting Weiming tomorrow. So weird, i haven't seen him in years, haven't really been in contact either. He's a friend from secondary school days. So strange. Hopefully i look better now than i did then. What to wear?? Feeling so fat and ugly these days. Not a good feeling to have when you're going to go out. The good thing is, we're going to max brenner! YAY! But according to szeling the standard has dropped. HMMM. Maybe next time i should try to chocolate buffet at the fullerton. Wonder if it's good.

Know i was watching nip/tuck just now, and i decided that i don't wanna be a surgeon. I hope they don't make me dissect any animal for lab this sem. Seeing all the insides just turns me off man. But it's quite a trashy show, everyone is sleeping with everybody else. Yee. There was this part where the surgeon snipped open the GUY'S nipple to operate on his breast.. that was disturbing i tell you.

ALRIGHTY. I'm feeling rather sleepy. I think i prolly should hit the pillows soon. Oh. by the way, nat's going to interview for christian dior! I hope she gets staff discount.. *evil smile* Nat, let me take advantage of your benefits ok..??? hee hee hee. I know you will cause i know you love me right...??? RIGHT. haha. OK. goodnight everyone. it's going to be back to school soon. SIAN!

Think that there has been an aura of bad karma casted upon me. Almost everything bad has happened to me this year and it's only halfway through. There's more to come i'm sure. I crashed the car on monday. Fell really sick on tuesday, had to wait 1 hour to give my statement and another hour to get it done, was so late for my clique dinner, was running a fever, having a cold and a bad throat. Came home feeling so limp. Today i woke up feeling like a human heater, couldn't even feel my throat, eyes were watery and are still swollen. If this isn't bad karma, i don't know what is. I haven't been this sick in a long time, it's awful. *koff koff*

Anyway, despite being horribly ill, i managed to make it through my clique dinner without passing out. I was reminded how much i love my clique although early this year i would have said something very different. When i'm with them, it's like back on home ground, no masks, no fear of judgment, only the feeling of familiarity. This might sound abit strange because we are all sooooo different now, familiar might not be the most suitable word to use. But i think it is, because these are the girls i spent the best times of my youth with. I've polished EVERY one of their fingernails before, i've gone to hair salons with them, seen each of them with bad haircuts, been through the "roxy, billabong, stussy" phase with them, wore ugly school socks with, studied at serangoon gardens with, gone crazy over moss burger ice milk tea with, spent so many afternoons at jac's drinking campbell soup with, cried over darren with, basically we've been through the odds together, all 8 of us. I think back on what we were in the past and i definately miss the days where we were closer, where we didn't need to book each other 2 weeks in advance to meet up, but i feel so victorious now because through all the DRASTIC changes, we're still a clique. Sometimes, between ourselves we say that it's superficial and unpersonal, but last night proved us all wrong. When we break up and need to cry, we want to cry with the clique, cause the clique has always been there and the clique is exclusively ours no matter how many boyfriends or mutual friends we have. There cannot be another member added or taken away from the clique, we'd be incomplete. Of course i've made good friends in poly, especially szeling, and what we have is very special too, but with a group of 8 girls, coming so far is a feat by itself. 7 years. Girls, it's been 7 years, are you proud? I know i am.

Seeing sheena's heartbreak yesterday reminded me of my own, but her circumstances are very much different. All i can say is that there can NEVER be the right guy. Even if you marry the fella, you'll still need to spend your whole life keeping him to yourself. Sometimes i wonder if it's really worth the effort. Sometimes loving someone from far is easier cause you have less expectations, but of course you'll be aching in your heart for the love to be returned. Oh well. Girlfriends are the best kind of friends, and they're better than boyfriends! Not saying that guy friends are not good, but the chances of falling in love with a girl friend is less likely, thus less open to hurt. I don't like to be vulnerable.

I've been thinking of Alden quite abit recently. Thinking how hard it was and how i'm glad we're still friends. Thinking of all the akwardness i caused him and all the heartache he's caused me. Thinking of his smile, his laugh his attention... how i love to have his attention. How i'm just so satisfied to bask in his attention. Ok, i sound as though i have no backbone of my own, but that's not the case alright! Just a softer side. haha.

ANYWAY, the car fella just called. Turns out that i might not be able to claim my car insurance cause i'm a PROBATIONAL driver. So complicated. I just hope they don't revoke my license. It's really not my fault. I just hope the other guy isn't being too much of a scumbag. Seems like my car might not be able to be repaired unless the third party insurance thing agrees to it. I don't really understand this insurance thing. Once again, i'm feeling like a total shit of a moron cause i've cause sooooooooooo many problems when it isn't my fault. Now time and MONEY has to be wasted on this stupid issue. My license at risk and all that money needed to settle it. Stupid silver honda prelude fella. Stupid me larh! ARGH! Bad Karma. I have loads of it. I'm supposed to be the tyco queen. This is not good. Not good at all.

I have just managed to prove once again that i am a complete and utter moron. First and most importantly, I could have killed my dear friend and my elder sister, second, i might just have my really hard earned driving license revoked when it isn't even my fault, third, i just crashed my car beyond imagination, fourth, i've inconvenienced EVERYONE, Colin, cause now he has no car to drive, my dad and my sis cause they have to clean up my mess, Nat, cause i think i really taumatised her, Nat's family, cause they all had to help out, myself, cause school is starting and i won't have a car to drive. See, what kind of retard would do something like that. I'm REALLY thanking God that no one is hurt and that my Jie was with me and i wasn't driving alone. If i had been in the car alone, i'm sure the damage would have been worse because i'm more careless when i'm alone in the car. Honestly, it really isn't my fault. Here's what happened.

I was coming down a STRAIGHT road, i wans't speeding, headlights were on, lights were green, it's clear to go. Then as i was coming STRAIGHT, this stupid fella decided that he wanted to make a right turn without waiting for me to clear my path (he claimed he did not see me). So being an idiot, he proceeded with his plan and tried to excecute a right turn just as i was coming at 60km/h. Upon seeing me, i supposed he panicked and jammed his brakes just as i jammed MY brakes to avoid a collision. However, it was too late and our vehicles crashed. My bonnet is really badly damaged. Legally, it's not my fault at all, cause the circumstances were in my favour and people going STRAIGHT HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY, YOU BODO BRAIN! So i was seated still in the car, recovering from shock and checking to see if Nat and Jie were ok, and it kinda occured to me that i really could just have died, and i was really glad that 2 of the most important people in my life were alright and were with me. My Jie got out of the car and tried to settle the problem, Nat and i were still seated in the car, which is actually a really stupid thing to do cause the car could have decided to explode, but thank God it didn't. Dad drove down to help out and Nat's mum also came down to help. Now imagine how lousy and moronic i felt to have caused so much trouble even though it isn't my fault. Pa wasn't mad at me, which was good, cause i would have been really mad if he was, cause it's not my fault, i didn't do anything wrong. Having said that, i still face the possibility that my license is going to get revoked or going to be given an obscene amount of demerit points. Why? Cause i'm a PROBATIONAL driver, thus my inexperience and "lack of judgement in an emergency" deems me less fit to be on the road as that stupid scumbag that had a warp notion on turning right while i was coming straight. DUH. Though i really don't see why i should get revoked or given demerits cause the circumstances were in MY favour and in the emergency, the only thing i could do was brake and i did, and braking was the only way to avoid the emergency. So i really don't see why it's a "lack of judgement." YOU TELL ME! I'll be really mad if anything happens to my license cause it's one thing i REALLY worked hard to earn cause i wanted it bad, i don't drive dangerously, i SELDOM drive, and on top of it all, IT WASN'T MY FAULT! Everything that happened wasn't my fault, yet it's because of me that everyone's inconvenienced. Peachy. Just peachy.

It's probably going to sound really cheezy, but after i crashed and realised that i actually could be dead, i realised that NOTHING mattered at that moment except Nat and Jie, and my family and closest friends. That point, i also thought about dennis and how thankful i was that he's not gotten into a stupid mess like me, that he's been safe driving so far. I am therefore going to nag at him to use ear piece and not to drive even if he's only had ONE drop to drink and no driving with sprained ankles. I DO NOT want anything to happen to him EVER. He's too precious. Likewise to all other significant people who drive. I cannot bear to have the heartbreak of losing someone again. I am such a moron.

I'm really useless. I can't think of a SINGLE thing i've done right recently. Always getting caught up in stupid, petty, redundant mistakes. When was the last time i did something good and useful and un-frivolous. I can't even be a good friend or sister. When was the last time i was a good friend? When was the last time i did something that MATTERED to somebody. When was the last time i was happy? When was the last time i felt cared for?

This year really sucks. 2004, the worst year of my life. I just want it to be all over. Should just pack and ship myself off to australia to study as soon as possible, get out of everyone's way and hair, then no one will need to be inconvenienced by me, then life will be so much better for the people i nag at, then i won't have to stay here and be reminded of how useless i am. Why can't i do anything right. I don't think anyone has failed as badly at being a person besides me. Where's my award? For once in my life, i've earned myself and award. HAH.

"To be in this world and not be part of it." Teach me how.

I AM BACK! *cue the fanfare* Did anyone miss me??? I sure missed everyone. Especailly my Jie. The trip just wasn't complete without her. It's been a LOOOOONNNNNGGG 9 days. Way too long for my liking. To tell the truth, i didn't really enjoy myself. I was ready to come home by the 3rd day. I don't know, i just didn't feel the adrenaline, half the time i was annoyed with my dad. Nevermind. Let's not go there. Let me fill you in about my trip.. there's just so much to say. So have alittle patience with me.

First of all... I MISS SZELING! She just flew off the shanghai! Like yesterday, so i didn't get to see her. Was supposed to meet her for breakfast cause i thought i'd be back, but being the bodo brain that i am, i forgot about the time difference. So, i won't be seeing her for the next 5 days, plus the 10 past days i didn't see her, that makes 15 days! A record! I'm to be completely dysfuctional. To make things worse, NAt's not around too. Shit. Thank goodness Jac's not left of NYC yet. I really have to spend a hell lot more time with her. Going to miss her to bits. ANYWAY!

The flight there was TORTOUROUS. It's a freaking long flight, and it was just ULTIMATE SIANSITY. I was quite certain that i was growing mould. Serious. I think i don't ever want to fly so far anymore, it's not really worth the flight. One thing i have to say, SINGAPORE WEATHER SUCKS! You'll never know how bad it is until you go somewhere where it's hotter, but you're not all sweaty and sticky. Stupid weather. We didn't really go much on the 1st day there, just went to explore the area around my hotel. It was a nice hotel, with food and shopping nearby so it was GUD. Talk about food, been eating and eating and eating all the carbo and fat.. my goodness. One thing i've learnt, i should not be greedy and attempt finishing a meal by myself, it's just not feasible. The portions are HUGE, not to mention expensive. Actually if it were in Sing dollars, it'd be cheap, like a Whopper is 99 cents? But if you convert back to sing dollars, that's a different story. So just imagine the shopping. But the food is good, the shakes are fantabulous! Of course not to mention fattening, but good all the same. Heh. OH. There was this day, we were eating at Tony Romas, then there was this american family seated at the opposite table. They all held hands and said grace before eating, but something really shocked me, i was quite affected. The Mother of the family complained to the manager that her food was cold, and she was so mean and hurtful and sarcastic, i thought the manager was going to cry. Then in order to soften the situation, the manager gave the family a complimentary bread basket, and the lady very hurtfully said that she wasn't going to eat it, but finished it in the end. I mean what was that all about man?! So much for being christian. Just as i was thinking that, i reminded myself that i was mean and hurtful and spiteful and sarcastic too, who was i to judge? But i still couldn't believe the lady was being so mean. Stupid americans. Oh well.

Universal studios and disneyland was nice, probably the highlight of the trip. The weather was nice and the shopping was good. Though we didn't get to sit too many rides cause the lines were too long. I bought i Patrick! Know the retarded starfish from spongebob square pants?? Yarh him! Hee hee hee. I hug him to sleep. He's so cute and moronic! OH! and i saw spongebob bedroom slippers, wanted to buy back, but decided that they really look toooooo retarded for words. So i just got patrick. Haha. Talk about bedroom slippers, they sell mickey mouse shoes at disneyland! Man! they're so cute! Wanted to buy, but they're too big to bring back. Darn. Bought lots of disney murchandise. I love tinkerbell! Hee hee hee. Took loads of pictures. I'll show you when i see you. There's one thing i really have to give myself a pat on the back. I went on this super death-imposing roller coaster. I'm a wimp see. I have no guts, but i went on it anyway. It's very very high (i'm scared of heights, nuff said), and it's long and it's got the 360 degree loop. MAN! I screamed my lungs dry i tell you.. i think all my insides came out and i left them hanging in the air, i couldn't walk after the ride. It's called the California Screamin. SCARED! Disneyland is just soooooo cool. Spent 2 days there. It was great. Walt Disney is a genius! I'm so proud of my disney cartoon collection. Going to watch them all over again when i have the time. I have to clear my room.

Las Vegas was a wasted trip. The tour was bad. Complete waste of time and money. The tour guide was like a recorder, he sounds so.... recorded. We would have done better on our own. We didn't have time to shop there cause of the tour. I wanted to watch the Jubilee show. It's all the topless showgirls kinda thing, but my lil sis doens't fulfil the age requirement, so we didn't go. Pity. Anyway, vegas is a BEAUTIFUL city. The lights, the sounds, the sights, all are mesmerizing. THE HOTELS are magnificent. Really. The Luxor and the Venetian. MAN! The standard rooms cost like US$200 a night! So just imagine how grand they are. The venetian cost like 6 billion to construct with 6000 rooms, with a man made sky and gondolas inside, the grandeur just cannot be described, you've just got to see it to believe it. The Luxor is a pyrimid. So all the rooms are slanted, it's an architecture miracle. The interior is obviously based on an eygyptian theme. It's so intimadating but so facinating at the same time. You really have to see it, my vocab just isn't good enough to decribe it. Vegas is AMAZING. Really.

Actually, that's about all we did, the last day we went to South Coast Plaza in LA for shopping. It's HUGE! Imagine 3 times Suntec. Shop until leg pain cannot walk. We spent 80 over bucks on cab fare to and fro. Singapore cab fares are cheap, i have to admit. I felt that it was worth it, cause the shopping was EXCELLENT. Of course, expensive. They have ANY brand you want, Gap, Abercrombie, Miss Sixty, Banana Republic, Levis, Vans, Nine west, Stila, Mac, Lulu ginuss, Kate Spade, paul frank, Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfiger, CK, Timberland, DKNY, Rocawear... EVERYTHING! Even Macy's departmental store had amazing clothes! Unlike Singapore. Where all the clothes look the same and are only designed for skinny people. Man, if i were there shopping alone or with my friends, i'd buy so many things!!!! Too bad i was with my dad, so the limit was there. As Shiqian would say, i shouldn't try to bring up the economy too often or too much, not healthy. *bleahz* Oh well, my dad spent ALOT on this trip, i'm sure at LEAST 15k. Most of it on me i guess. Oh well. The only thing my dad does for me is buy me stuff. So i'm giving him a chance to do the only thing he knows how to do for me. (I am being evil i know)

Well. I'm back now, the flight was bad, just bad. I'm jet lagged which explains why i'm up now at 4.15 in the morning writing my blog. Congrats if you've read until here, you're patient. Haha. No moon tonight. The moon was so big and bright and full in LA, makes me think of dennis. Lots of errands to run and lots of clearing up to do. My face is horrific, not adjusting well to the weather and travelling. Look really bad now. Need to get back into form. Anyway, i wanna meet up with people. So don't turn me down if i ask you out ok? Alright, till next time! HOME SWEET HOME.