It's been a good day. My boys finally came back! Plus i changed my bed sheets and went to Coles with my boys and cooked hash browns (from scratch) for my boys and watch 4 uninterrupted hours of Prison Break. Wentworth Miller is so yummy. Go google him. The other good thing is, i got my exam time table. Exams start really soon, which means all this assignment shit will be ending soon which is good. But it means i will be freaking stressed out the next few weeks. I expect to end my exams on the 19th of June, so i should hope to be back on the 22nd. Got to go to the flight agency on Monday to check things out. Kinda expensive to fly back, it's holiday period.

Anyway, was super glad the boys are back. Now we're waiting for Elishia's return. Boys flew back in this morning. Was good to see them. Even kelley was happy though she denies it. Haha. They both got hair cuts. Brad is back to being botak, which doesn't suit him at all (after seeing him with hair), he looks sooooo much better with hair. Now he looks like a chao recruit. Hayden's cut his hair short too. In his exact words. "My haircut's 2 sizes too small for my head.." Haha. It doesn't look that bad. Kinda cute actually. Kelley says he's put on weight.. "dawn, just look at that ass." Haha. See. It's more fun when they're around.Plus, they inspired me to wash my sheets cause they were washing theirs. So i decided to wash mine too. New sheets for the new term. They're yellow now. They were pink. Heh.

Going to coles with company is always more effective. Like when you go alone, you're kinda not inspired to get anything cause you'll feel less motivated to cook. But when you go with someone, you're generally in a better mood, so you get more stuff. When i go with the boys, i feel like an aunty bringing children to the store. Hayden ended up buying chicken cause he wanted me to make him chicken nuggets like how his mum did and potatoes cause he wanted me to make him hash browns. Like small boy know. But at least he's back larh. Haha.

Today marks a new beginning too. I got the boys to help me cook and wash up! Kelley says i spoil them, so i shall now attempt to make them do something useful when they're in the kitchen. Hayden was a good boy, he washed and peeled the potatoes. Then i got brad and hayden to grate them. "I don't know which hole to use.." Haha. that's what hayden say when i asked him to grate the potaotes. Was kinda funny hearing it. Anyway, hayden helped me fry the hash browns. I'm so proud of him. And brad did such a good job with the dishes too. Haha. Got to do this more often, so kelley won't complain about the mess.

I enjoyed my saturday. Too bad i have to go back to school next week. Assignment and more assignments. Last day to pull up my socks tomorrow. I shall aim to do 3/4 of my psych assignment tomorrow. Knowing me.... hah. Well. I shall just look forward to coming home. Hee hee.

Boy do i miss home.

I can't believe that my 2 week break is now coming to an end. I don't feel rested at all. Maybe because i know that i have tons of assignments to do and the reason that they're piling up is because i've been procrastinating and not wanting to do them cause they make me feel sick. In the midsts of doing my phychology assignment and it sucks. It would be really easy to do is i didn't have to go through all the trouble to look for references. 3/4 of the time i spend doing my assignment is spent looking for books and journal articles to reference. So annoying.

The good thing though is that i'll be able to go home soon. Just tahan for another 2 more months and i'll home. This contant unmotivation to do anything is really bad for my health. Everytime i tell myself that i will get my work done. That will sit down and do some revision. It never happens the way i want it to. I end up being all last min and not sleeping again. Just CANNOT find it within myself to do the work. Laziness i'm sure play a very big part, but even when i'm at the table, with my books and notes in front of me, i'm holding my pen, but i end up just zoning out. Weaving in and out of blankness. Then i get frustrated cause i'm not being constructive and then i throw it aside and do something completely unrelated.

How come i don't remember it being this hard in poly? Then again, i don't really think i did alot of work in poly. Did i? I can't quite remember. How did i manage to hand in all my assignments on time and pass in poly? Totally incredible come to think of it now. Maybe it's because i didn't freaking need to reference. Damn it. Is the whole referencing bit as annoying there in Singapore? BAH! Don't wanna do work. Sucks.

In a really complainsome mood now. These stupid assignments are really just pointless but we have to do them anyway. You know, i'd rather study and mug rather than do work. I prefer tests to assignments. Assignments just take up too much time and they're only worth as much as a test, not very effective i would say.

OK. Having said all that, i have to get back to doing my assignment. Maybe i should take a nap 1st. Brain not working. How annoying!!!! Having writers block. I can't think i can't think i can't think i can't think. Somebody please declare me brain dead so i won't have to do my assginment...........................

Shit.

The evening i arrived in Esperance. The moon was so gorgeous. It was the biggest and brightest and lowest i'd seen in my life. I felt as though if i walked far enough, i could just reach out and touch it. Look at how dark it is. It was only 7pm!! And boy it was cold and windy. That's Hayden's mum, Wendy, she was soooo nice to us, took really good care of us and all.



Sunita and I at the Long Jetty in Esperance. Sunita's my toilet mate. She's great. Glad i had her for company. She didn't mind my snoring. Haha.



This is the sealion Sammy that lives in the Jetty. He's wild, and fat. But Since he's been there for years and years, he's been fed by the people who throw fish at him. So he stops feeding himself. I've never seen a sealion so close up before. They're actually quite cute. Haha.



The beautiful sky in Esperance. This is the view of the "coastline" of the jetty. Beautiful ain't it? I kinda forgot how Singapore sky looks like already.



That's Sunita, dawny and Hayden at the Jetty. I stayed at Hayden's place during my stay. It was so generous of him to let us stay really. I love him although he's spoilt rotten.



I know these aren't very good photos. They don't do the beach justice at all. But this is the most amazing beach i've ever seen in my life. Twilight beach. That's me in the FREEZING cold water. The wind was blowing and it was like 17 degrees out that day. But i couldn't help but jump in! Clear blue water. Gorgeous.





Further proof that Esperance has the most beautiful beaches. All these beaches make up the perimeter of the town. How fantastic is that?! How can you ever look at beaches the same way now? You could go to the beach in Esperance and have it all to yourself. Beautiful, simply beautiful Praise God. The waves are so powerful there, i wish i could surf!!



Oh oh oh!! Mars boat sundae! Soft serve with hot caramel and fudge. Simply heavenly in the cold weather! I'm sure it made a significant contribution to my fats. Yummy!



My 1st aussie Bbq (or barbi as they say here). It was so yummy! Caramelized onion, sausage, steak, veggie casserole.. YUMMY! Oh. There was a cute kangeroo mummy who came up with her joey and helped herself to our food. We didn't mind. Haha. You can see her in one of the pictures. She's cute. Hee hee.



Taken when we drove up to one of the islands. Think it was Lucky Bay. Just to show you again the beauty of Esperance.



OK. I know you can't tell. But this was a beached whale. It was headless. When the waves came, it revealed the bone. It smelt sooooo bad. And we walked the entire beach length just to see it. EW. But it was an experience larh. I mean how often do you get to see for yourself a beached whale. The smell was stuck in my phychi the whole day. It was gross. When i say i'm as fat as a whale, i mean it.



Me and my lovely 2 boys at lucky bay. Hayden and my Brad.



Me and my Brad sweetie. He doesn't talk much. Man of few words he will be. I never really had an understanding of him in our flat. But saw him more clearly in Esperance. He's a gorgeous boy. Kinda developed a soft spot for him. He does need to put on some weight. Do you think he'll let me give him a make over? He's a handsome boy, he should be able to use it to his advantage.



Sunita, me and Brad. It was cold. See the waves crashing in the background? Pretty pretty pretty!



Me and Sunita. The ocean just exhilerates us. *sigh* I love Esperance.



Me with the blues of Esperance in the background.



I thought i'd end this entry with something pretty. This is Adele, Hayden's neice. She's absolutely Gorgeous. He blue eyes makes you feel like going to the ocean. She's loves the camera as you can tell. It was Easter sunday when we took this picture. She was in her fairy outfit that she went easter egg hunting in. So cute!!!!

Ohhhhhh... i had such a good time in Esperance. I'm sure you can tell. Would so go back again. But for now, i'm in perth counting down the days till i get to go home. Oh. By the way, i scored 75.5 for my anatomy test. YES! I haven't scored 70 marks since like O levels! Haha. It's not alot i know, but it's the best i've done in a long time. Hee.

I went shopping at Harbour Town today with Kelley and Sunita. Bought some stuff to wear for winter. Looking for a thicker smart casual jacket to wear to go out. Haven't been able to find a right one. I love the weather we're having now. It's cool but still with sunshine. It's great. I'm glad i'm on break now.

Anyway right, i want to complain about the sicken transport system in perth. Thursday is late night shopping, shops open till 9pm (so late right?! *rolls eyes*). I went shopping with Sunita on thursday. We took the bus. Then right, we shop shop until like 5.15pm and had to leave cause i had cell at 7.30pm. Should be ample time to get back right? I waited with Sunita for an hour (cause the buses sometimes run on hourly intervals). By then it was 6.30pm and i started to get anxious because i had cell right. So i panicked and called Dennis cause he and Cheryl stay in the vacinity. Thank God they came to get me. (Thanks dearies, i really appreciate it.) Turns out that the bus service terminates at 5pm. The time when people usually get off work on late night shopping day. Need i say more? I so need a car.

Ok. Long entry. Going to watch CSI now. Might go down to Swan Valley with Dennis and Cheryl tomorrow. Yay! I love being on break.

I'm back from the dead. Nuh. Actually, i'm back from Esperance. Sad but true. I really didn't want to come back to perth. I was having so much fun there, enjoyed myself so much. Went there for 3 short days, but have managed to put on weight. The food i had there, even though home made was greasy, oily, and full of carbs and salt. The worst combination ever. "1 min in your lips, forever in your hips".

This is officially the 1st holiday i've been on that i only took my "school bag" on. Travelled so light for the 1st time. Also the 1st holiday i spent less than $200 on, including transport. 1st holiday i lodged in a friend's house. Stayed in Hayden's house. His mum is so nice. She made the room so comfy for us (Sunita and i). Was all cosy in pink and easter gifts on our beds. She did washing and cooking for us and took us all around. She was great. Felt really really bad, but she made us feel so welcome.

The interesting part is peering into the lives of my boys. In perth, when they're at home with us, they're like our babies. We take care of them, and mother them (all of us do ok, not just me). But in Esperance, where they have different roles, a whole new side emerges. Like Hayden, he's a big, spoilt, child. But when he's with his nieces and nephew, he's all mature and grown up, sensitive and affectionate. It was sooo weird, but also very endearing. Brad's quiet, he's a fleeting presence in perth. But in Esperance, he's the eldest of 3 kids, and he's so sweet to his lil sisters, hugs them and carries them and praises them when they do something clever. He's close to his granny and mum and is really good with scrabble. Developed a soft spot for brad, he's so charming, i never noticed till now.

Got to meet some of Hayden's family. His 2nd sister came to visit for easter. She lives an hour away from Esperance and drove down just to meet us. She's married with 2 beautiful children. Adele has the most gorgeous blue eyes and Liam is just so cute, still in pampers. Hayden's eldest sister lives in Perth, but didn't come down for easter, her eldest daughter, Allira stayed over with us. She's so bright and deep for a child. She was an absolute darling. Hayden's mum made it a point to introduce us to EVERYONE she knew. It was a good feeling, she's proud she had us stay with her and it really showed. She even arranged for us to meet brad's family.

Brad's house was really nice and big. Was rather impressed. Since brad doesn't talk, i didn't know he was half scottish. His mum was born in scotland. He's the eldest with 2 sisters, the youngest being 4, Chloe. Gosh. She's soooooooo pretty with her long blonde hair. An attention seeker, she brought out all her "My Little Ponies" for us to see and was all sweet and coy about it. His sisters look EXACTLY like him, prettier cause they're girls. It's as though his mum put him through a photocopier. Brad's so handsome though. He just doens't know how to use it to his advantage. Met his dad and his granny and his grandpa. They all came just to meet us, felt like some undeserving VIP. One good thing about australians though, they're so warm, makes you feel so welcome.

After spending all that time with the boys, i think i've grown more attached to them. I miss them here in perth. I need someone to play with. I shared their home and their life and culture for awhile and somehow i feel warmer towards them, even more so now.

Esperance did me good. I relaxed. Enjoyed the freezing cold weather and the BEAUTIFUL beaches. I love Esperance. It was soooo cold but i couldn't help but jump into the ocean for a swim. I've never seen/known beaches like the ones in esperance. It makes me even more SURE that God is real. Nothing else could have made it so beautiful. The water so blue and clear you can see right through, like you;re swimming in the pool. The sand so soft and white it whistles under your feet. Waves so big i wish i could surf. I dare say that Esperance has the best beaches in the whole of Australia.

All in all, i had a good time. I loved being there and i definitely want to go back again. I will go back again. I love Esperance.

Will post some photos soon. Have to upload them 1st. Till next time!

My Australian tutor said today, that Perth is getting so busy that people don't have time to sit down and chat and have coffee with each other. I thought i heard wrongly for something. If you can't do that in Perth, you prolly cannot do that in any part of the world. Maybe she meant that you could have coffee cause everything is closed to early? I don't know what the implication is, but it's ridiculous.

Reminder to myself: Go to the stores before friday, EVERYTHING will be closed over the Easter holiday. Where does my school fees go again?

BAH.

Completely and utterly unmotivated. I cannot bring myself to study my anatomy. So much to learn, so little time. Finding it extremely difficult to sit my fat ass down and study. All my school life, i've done things last min and managed to get this far, but some how, even when i try to be consistent, i'm still falling short of my own expectations and i think the constant disappointment is wearing me down. I studied in psychology that in a humanistic theory, there's an actual self and an ideal self. I'm so far away from my ideal self right now.

One thing is good though. The weather is just beautiful. I usually never go outside to my balcony. I'm an "indoors" person. I don't like being outside in the sun, i don't like al fresco dining, i don't sit around on the grass and things like that. But today, i found myself sitting alone in my balcony just taking in the surroundings. Perth is so beautiful, the blue skies, the green grass, the smell of the trees and the golden sunshine, makes me feel so blessed being alive. I just sat there and had the wind blow and the chilly air embrace me and my sadness and i felt better. Went out there again when the moon came up to look at the stars... you see them so clearly here. Oh.. it's good to be alive.

As cheryl would say... it's hamster season now. Everyone's eating more because it's getting colder. Storing food in fat cells in my body. Since there are alot of fat cells in mine, i need alot of food. Been eating non stop for the past few days. I don't know if it's psychological, but the cold weather really makes me eat more and it's not even that cold!! I'm going to look like a buffalo when i get home. That'll be attractive.

someone do my studying and work for me... i just wanna go to sleep and hibernate till it's time to go home. Motivation... i need lots and lots and lots of it!!

Song in my head now: Because of you.
Loved the feeling of loving you

I went to Scaborough beach yesterday with Kelley. We took the bus, the train and the bus. Took us a good 1hr and 15 mins to get there. oooohhh.. it was so worth it though. At first i had 2nd thoughts about going considering i had like 10 million and 1 things to do, including work and laundry. But it was such a nice day out and one of the last few days we could go before it gets too cold, plus the fact i bought i new bikini, it deserved to be taken out. So, as usual, i caved and went with kelley.

Kelley is a beach girl, unlike me who is a shops girl. The beach always excites kelley and makes her very happy. I never understood why she always said she needed "ocean therapy". I tell her it makes me sea sick. Haha. But when i saw the beach yesterday, i knew why. The clear blue water reflecting the sun, the huge waves that didn't bring along plastic bags and bottles, the soft white sand, the seagulls going "mine, mine, mine" and the crashing of the waves on the shore. It was amazing. God makes things so magnificent. I felt like i could swim all the way to the horizon. Of course we all know that i can't cause i'm too fat and unfit and also cause it's really far away. The not so nice bit were the obnoxious american guys and white girls who bake topless. No that their boobies were not nice to look at, just that i'm not used to having it just there on a beach towel. Was kinda weird for me at 1st. But then i remembered i was in perth. I could have my whale of a stomach exposed to the sun and no one would care or judge me. I was really great. I'm a fan of ocean therapy now. Hee hee,


That's me and Kelley. She's Texan, but doesn't have the whole texan accent. I'm the closest to her among my housemates. She speaks chinese and is vegetarian. She's moving out next sem. I'm going to have no friend AGAIN! She's got a mouth like a sailor though... vulgar vulgar vulgar. Though i still think beng is worse. Haha


The massive amount of people in the background and the lovely water. That's me and my boobies on Scaborough beach,

My flatmates and i planned a surprise birthday party for Sunita yesterday. Sunita's my toilet mate. We share our bathroom. She's from Singapore and she's also doing OT, but she's in a 4th year. She's been so stressed lately, didn't sleep for a couple of days already, just staying up doing her assignments. Just thought we'd do something nice for her. It was nice. Having everyone at home and being happy and all. It felt nice. Felt like home. I can't imagine living with anyone else.


My lovely housemates. I know i look fat and gross. That's cause i really am looking fat and gross.


Me and the birthday girl! She turned 28 yesterday. She looks soooooo young right?


Some friends from school. On a grass patch outside the library. Nice dat out with lots of wind and sunshine. Just the way i like it! From left, Jennifer (19, Malaysian, but did highschool in perth), Dawn (old foggy), Cassandra (19, from Singapore), Poonam (18, from Africa, but did highschool in London and college in Perth).

Yeh. I'm got to start taking more pictures to show you guys. Maybe when i go down to Esperence next week. It's supposed to be really nice. But for now, got to work my ass off. Psychology test on monday, assignment and anatomy lab test on thursday and fieldwork portfolio due as well!!!

Shooting me may be faster and less painful.

Totally drowning in my work. I have so many things to do, some how i can't ever seem to finish. Was it like this in poly? Someone refresh my memory please. I think it's been way too long a time. Today, i was supposed to do my laundry, vacum my floor, clean my room, cook, study my human bio and finish writing my notes for anatomy. What have i done? Cook and human bio and half way through anatomy. BAH!!! I wish i weren't so sleep dependent. Why can't i be like Jac, determined and hardworking and consistent? Or be like Kiwi, stay up for nights and days on end just studying. Of all courses, just have to pick the one with the heaviest workload and the most expensive school fees. Like how sian.

I wish was studying with people. With Fenny and Esther and Ling in Kiwi's tampines house where he'd make his stupid crysenthenum stew and we'd mug for hours. Or the times i would spend the entire afternoon with Donnavan at mac just studying. It frustrates me that no matter how much i study, my grades are only so mediocre. Don't know how to study smart also. I think i just don't have the capacity. Totally not cut out for studying.

Thank God there's easter break coming up. Going to have a 2 week break. Even though i have like tons of tests and assignments due after and during, at least i can sleep in. That's like the most important. I don't care if my room is collecting dust and that my carpet is dirty and i have no clothes to wear, i'd rather just sleep. I'm even getting too lazy to eat. I'd trade eating for sleeping. Anyway, over the Good Friday weekend, i'll be going to Esperence. Will be staying with Hayden. That should be interesting. The not so fun bit is, the bus ride is a freaking 8 hours!!! I'm just so going to puke up all my intestines.

Alright. I think i will have to get back to my anatomy and stop procrastinating. Szeling... i need you to squish me and poke me to study. Beng beng... i need you to tell me to stop being gay and get over myself. Fenn fenn... i need you to come and fetch me to simpang. *wahhhhhh!!!!!!!*

I miss my Russelly.

Got alittle bit high last night. 1st time in the time i've been here. There wasn't a plan to be drinking. I didn't even go out. I just happened to walk into the kitchen while Sunita was there. She just got back from being out. Turns out she bought a bottle of Port. So she asked me if i would have some with her. I thought... "yeh, why not, the show doesn't come on till 9pm anyway. (it was only 7.30)". So i sat down and she poured me a drink. It was good, and and sweet and it went down really well. So we sat in our messy kitchen drinking wine and talking, the weather was just perfect. 1/4 into the bottle, Elishia and her new guy (he's the 3rd in 5 weeks. She works fast. Then again, she's gorgeous) came in, they were about to leave and go out, but they decided to stay for 1 drink. 1 drink turned into 2, then 3, then they decided not to go out anymore. 1 bottle of Port turned into 2 and then after, a few beers. All this happened in our kitchen. Haha. I had a good time too, talking about everything and anything and the booze was good. Haven't had so much since Vaxont's birthday at Dbl O. By the time we adjourned, it was like past 12am. But i was slightly pissed by 11pm. Those who know me will know that i go all quiet and heavy headed when i've had too much. But it was nice.

How do you forget what you remember? How do you get rid of that nice warm feeling in your tummy when a memory is evoked? How do you gain something back, something that is so lost? How do you really really forget? How do you stop dreaming? How do you stop loving?

I miss my Mummy. I miss my friends. I miss the drinking sessions with my ching chong chu friends. I miss steamboat with my clique. I miss long conversations. I miss my babe. I thought it was supposed to get easier, not harder. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it was just the alcohol.

I need a man. I'm bored. Damn it.